Deodorant

At 9:56pm as I was getting out of the shower, I went to reach for my leave-in conditioner, but instead reached for my deodorant. It would be assumed that I would notice such a different shape and mixture in my hand, but I didn't. I continued to put my deodorant on, as I went to put the cap on I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself, "Why did you put on deodorant before you're going to bed?" It doesn't make sense at all to do such a thing as freshen a newly cleaned body right before bed. Or does it?

I examined this subject a little bit farther, deodorant. The purpose of this product is to prevent future stench from escaping into public. It's not to cover up stench that might already be there. Unless you're like me and often forget to put it on util it's too late. Looking at the purpose of such a simple invention can make you examine your own life. I started thinking about all the things that I do in my life to prepare for "stench". Living in Arkansas, I've come to an understanding that tornado season isn't a joke. What do I do? Make a safety box with all the items needed and place it in my safe room. In case a tornado were to come, I would be prepared. That's an obvious one, but there are other things I must think about as well. What happens when I say something I shouldn't in public, offend someone, even scar someone permanently? There's not a safety box for those things I can always be carrying around. If I did have one, it would weigh me down pretty heavy.

Just in this past day I've started to realize that my true deodorant is Jesus. He's already died for my sins. He's paid the FULL price, not just part. I have to have FULL faith in him that He (the creator of the universe and my life) just might happen to know what He is doing. He protects me from the stench of my sin. 

Let's get this right though. God isn't a cover up for the stench that's already there. He isn't a can of axe. He's the protection before we put ourselves in situations where we will sweat. That's why we have the Bible. To prepare us, keep our water running to clean us off after a long day. 

Deodorant. All of this came from me putting on deodorant before going to bed. 

UOI,

Becca

148 Days Later... I'm Putting My Foot Down.

That's right. It's been a total of 148 days since I wrote on here. 

What happened? Life. Actually, to be more specific... LIFE. 
Makes sense, right? There's a complete difference between life and LIFE. Just like there's a difference from being IN the world and OF the world. That's scripture. God tells us not to be OF this world. The way it was described to me when I was in middle school was this:

"It's like going on a boat ride. Following God's path is staying in the boat. Your in the world. But as soon as you leave the boat and get in the water, you become consumed. The world surrounds you, gets inside you and changes your appearance."

In short, the world has consumed, changed, and tested my ability to "stay above water". I have completely separated myself from God and His will this whole summer because of my stubbornness. I love my life, but I do not love it without God. I haven't done anything wild. No drugs or running in the opposite direction of my family, actually that part of my life has been pretty grand. I've gotten a lot closer to my family this summer. I've come to realize that my family isn't such a horrible invention. They have held my hand through some pretty thick stuff recently. 

This past Friday I went to one of my good friend's CD release party. In one of his songs he repeats the phrase, "I need to be saved from myself". Don't we all. We are the ones that decide to jump into the water. The boat that God gives us is safe and can stand the waves, we just refuse to put in the work of paddling through and riding the rough spots. There are no other excuses to our life situations besides our self. That's a really unfortunate thing for me to write because I really seriously HATE hearing it. I've put myself in a situation where I wanted to live with a limited prayer life, church life, etc. I did it. It wasn't my anxiety, relationship, family, home life, NOTHING except ME. 

Now the point where I would normally beat myself up, cause myself to be put in a panic, and continue down the same path with different excuses. Not tonight. Tonight I'm putting my foot down. Nothing controls me excepts for my choice to follow my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Money, school, pressure, stress, and most of all, anxiety will not control me. Tonight I will rest in comfort that I make my own choices and my choice is to follow God.

"I’m asking God for one thing,
    only one thing:
To live with him in his house
    my whole life long.
I’ll contemplate his beauty;
    I’ll study at his feet."
~ Psalm 27:4 

UOI,
Becca 
 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."
~ Romans 12:2

Faith....

I'm trying something new and it's a way different then ever before. 

I'm depending my faith on God and only God. 

Wait a second? Did I just say that?! How can I be writing all these Christian posts and not have faith in God? Simple. I had my faith in God through other people. That's what most people do if you think about it.

You a see a unmarried person that you know goes to church looking at pregnancy tests in Walmart. What does your brain automatically say? "Oh my goodness. She's pregnant? She's having sex outside of marriage? But She's a Christian! She goes to church! It's fakers like her that ruin our faith!"

WHY?! Why is SHE ruining YOUR faith?! Hense it's YOUR faith! 

Why do YOU believe in God? Is it because you were raised to? You met a person that made a difference in your life that was a Christian? You came to understand that you need God in your life?

I did that once or twice. I depended my full faith on one person. I didn't have a relationship that was directly God and I. I had a middle man. It didn't seem like it was a problem because I was constantly at church, but when you realize that these people that are middle men between you and God are indeed human, it destroys your faith. You have to start all over. 

Going to church is a great thing, don't get me wrong. It helps you to connect and relate with other believers, but it shouldn't become the only way you connect with God. Take time to make reasons for you to have your own faith!

I started this last semester... slowly letting go. That is my advice to you. Slowly let go of your middle man and allow the relationship that you have between you and God be between you and God. Don't take anyone elses words become higher than HIS. 

Our Calling is to draw people to Jesus through our actions... being the light of the world... That's a lot to swallow though... Now we're on the other side of the coin. What happens when people see actions we do and take them higher then God's word? Do we beat ourselves up? 

Take a while to chew on this first topic... and then we'll look to scripture for this second part. 

UOI,

Becca

Realizations....

This weekend I attended a youth event called VERITAS. This event is sponsored by the Arkansas United Methodist Conference Council on Youth Ministry which was a big part of my life while I was in high school. I remember helping to plan youth events and thinking that when things weren't going exactly the way that we planned, it was all going to fail. I never thought for a split second that God was powerful to take power over our mistakes. 

Being an adult that the event this weekend was very different. I was there for one purpose only, to do Media for the worship services. In the meantime I took the time to study for my midterm. I saw things from a totally different view and it was incredible. During the first night of worship I noticed a familiar man standing against the wall, our new Bishop for the Arkansas Conference. At first I was shocked that he was there, but then thought that maybe he was just there to make an appearance on Friday night. But no, he was there all weekend long. I was so impressed and I just had to tell him that. We had a good long conversation about ministry and youth in the church. It was incredible to talk to an elder in the church that legitimately cared and was not only willing to listen, but talk back. I was thinking about the last time that happened for me, and I don't think it has. It was one of those conversations that I will remember for a lifetime. 

There was a recurring theme that I noticed at this youth event. When I noticed it, I thought back on my years in middle and high school and things started to make lots of sense. Leaders, speakers, adults were all preparing the youth for the bad things that were going to happen in their life. It was almost like they were convincing them that the only time you can have a relationship with God is when you are asking for forgiveness.  As amazing as it is to feel the repentance that Jesus provided for us on the cross, we should also remember the life that He has given us. We are free in His love and that's what makes us special. We are brothers and sisters because of Christ's sacrifice, but also because of HIS story. We should not forget how to live this life within the rules that He has provided, but we also shall not dwell on that. If all we do is worry about our past sin and future sin, we are putting His sacrifice to shame. 

God desires to be a part of our story. To walk hand in hand with us in the garden. We are a new generation that is the church NOW! Let's stand up and use our free will to live the life God desires and wants in us.

One song that we sang this weekend was called "One Thing Remains" the lyrics for one part of the song goes a little like this:

On and one and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains

That's just it. When everything is gone and we focus completely on God we realize that one thing truly remains... His love. We never have to live in fear because of the sin we have or will commit in the future. God is there constant.... The change doesn't have to be a trial.. it can be us fully surrendering to His will in our everyday life. 

Pray about this and allow yourself to love others unconditionally.

The men turned away and went toward Sodom, but Abraham remained standing before the Lord. Then Abraham approached him and said: “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? Will you really sweep it away and not spare the place for the sake of the fifty righteous people in it? Far be it from you to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?”
The Lord said, “If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”
Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five people?”“If I find forty-five there,” he said, “I will not destroy it.”
Once again he spoke to him, “What if only forty are found there?”
He said, “For the sake of forty, I will not do it.”
Then he said, “May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak. What if only thirty can be found there?”He answered, “I will not do it if I find thirty there.”
Abraham said, “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, what if only twenty can be found there?”
He said, “For the sake of twenty, I will not destroy it.”
Then he said, “May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?”
He answered, “For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it.”
When the Lord had finished speaking with Abraham, he left, and Abraham returned home.
         ~Genesis 18:22-33


UOI,
Becca

Something Out There....

I've been thinking about this post all week long. I usually am not one to use vulgar words (or at least not anymore.. I'm trying my best to stop!) so it was making it very difficult to piece this post together. I was seriously thinking about naming this post a random cuss word just to catch your attention. it would though? Wouldn't it? After all the posts that I've wrote about becoming closer to God and my family, it would probably catch you a little bit by surprise. 

Have you ever came across someone that you put so high on a pedestal and then discovered one of their deepest darkest secrets? It takes you back a little bit, makes you think not only about them, but your relationship with them. 

"Has everything been a lie?"
"Do I really know them?"
"Why did they do this to themselves?"
"Did they think about anyone before they did that?"
"What will others think?"

Then they stump you with one single sentence...
"Please don't tell anyone about this."

You start to become nervous. You know that you won't be able to keep this a secret! It's way too good to keep all to yourself! You have no plans to tell the whole world to embarrass them, you just need someone to confide in. Before they told you that single sentence, it didn't cross your mind, but now it's a must. Still, you respond...
"Of course. This won't leave this room."

It sticks out there like a sore thumb in your mind every time you see them. All the good thoughts you ever had about them are completely gone and all you can see is the mess they've made of themselves. You have become the person that you hate. A judge-mental person. 

Since when did this happen to us? We see a Christian high school boy go down the condom aisle or a preacher walk down the ghetto, a best friend confess that he's suicidal or a parent admit they had an affair. All of these things shock us to a point where can't even comprehend where we are. 

Is this a bad thing that we think this way or is it human for us to make these connections?

The process of forgiveness is hard for us, but if we felt as if we never had to forgive them... Would there be a difference?

I know this may sound way too easy, but is it really in our place to have that resentment? We can tell them all day long that God forgives them with open arms and hope it registers in their brain, but does it ever register in our brain?

God has already forgiven them! He sent His ONLY son to die on a cross for all of us! He was PERFECT, we are not. We can not rate our sins and base them on our own scale, we need to put it on God's scale which says that ALL sin is equal. 

So think the next time before you think. 

UOI,
Becca

"College Sweet College"......

This weekend was way too short! I had so much fun being at home, but I wasn't ready to go back right away. The three hour drive makes it harder for me to leave, and if Max wasn't with me then I probably would have stayed on Sunday night and left Monday morning! 

Having Max home with me was incredible! I seriously felt like the family was all there and nothing was missing. I told Max that him being with me is like my complicated puzzle called life is completed. I'm so lucky to find a best friend that I can share my life and family with! 

His first stop when we came into town was Chicken Express! Oh yeah... It's better than Dodges. He admitted it! Score! He got to meet Shannon and Anna and that was so much fun! We talked about things that were going on in our life and other stuff! After eating we made an impromptu visit to see Shannon's Family and Bean. I was so excited to see him and hold him! I miss that kid so much! He was pretty sick this weekend, but just seeing him made everything better! He then got the chance to meet the parents and it was amazing! They love him so much! I'm so excited to find a guy that fits in so well with my family! 

Heading back to College was bittersweet, but I let Max drive so I wouldn't fall asleep! He ended up talking my ear off about random stuff... I couldn't have found someone more like my dad! Haha! He's so funny when he starts rambling! 

Overall, I'm back here in College and today I'll get to see one of my best friends, Phoebe, as she tours the school! I hope she finds this place as a home to her as much as I do! I would love to share memories with her!

Before I go, I want to put out a special prayer request. One of my friends is having a rough time and I just ask that you lift her up! She really needs it! 

This is Max and I at Lake DeGray during the sunset! 

UOI,
Becca

Going Home....

The past few weeks being back at school have been incredible! Classes are going great and I'm really starting to get the hang of college work and I'm getting ahead in things! My sickness is disappearing and I'm slowly not having as many symptoms that I was during break! This is one of the things that I'm the most excited about! I've been able to hang out with my incredible friends, but one thing that makes me smile just thinking about it is being able to be with Maxwell! I've been so excited to be with him this past month after a month of being apart! 

Yesterday was Valentines Day and he kept telling me that he wasn't going to do anything! I was getting a little frustrated, but I knew in the back of my head that he was going to do something! Well he didn't just do something... he blew me away! When I got out of my 4 o' clock class one of my friends was waiting for me outside of Smith Dorms. She insisted that her and I go to Colton's Steakhouse in Russellville! Soooo, being the good friend that I am, I decided to go with her since Max wasn't answering his phone. When we were about ten minutes away, he texted me and was surprised that we actually were going out to eat because he wanted to be with me on Valentine's day. I didn't tell that to Anna Dean because I didn't want to ditch her or anything, so I just kept on going. I was thinking that Max was just going to be at Colton's with a table and everything... but no. We pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. Anna Dean told me to get back in the car and put a blindfold on me! She then drove me back to Clarksville (Which of course I didn't know where we were at all!) and my first stop was my desk in the Newsroom. When I opened the top a rose fell out with a note that said, "One rose for a cozy and romantic dinner..." Anna then put the blindfold back on me and drove me to our second stop... Camden Riley's House. I knocked on the door, blindfolded and all to be handed my second rose that said, "A second rose for... A BIG fury gift stuffed with love!" And then I was blindfolded again and taken to my last stop... Smith Dorms. The rose was on my door with a note that said, "And a Third Rose... Wishing you a Lovely Valentines Evening... Enjoy!" It also came with instructions for me to dress nice, but comfortable. After I was done getting ready, I was blindfolded one last time. Anna Dean took me out of the car, and walked me to a door and told me to knock. The door opened and I walked into the room. I felt Max's hand and then he grabbed my face, gave me a kiss, and took off my blindfold. There was rose petals leading to the kitchen table that was set with my favorite meal. Homemade Steak, potatoes, broccoli, rolls... he did it all! Sitting next to him was the most giant teddy bear I have ever seen before! It was so exciting! I've always wanted one of those! It's so big that he takes up my whole bed! 

Last night made me fall in love with him more and more! He made me feel like the most special girl in the world and I couldn't ask for anything else! 

Today, Max and I leave for Arkadelphia and I'm so excited to show him my home! He gets to see my family, friends, and all the places where I grew up! We'll be going to church on Sunday morning, so if you want to stop by and see us, we'll be there, but most importantly, I'll be spending time with my family. I took them for granted so long and threw them under the bus way too much. Having Max in my life has helped me to realize how important family is and why they are in my life. The way that he acts with his family has shown me that I should have been doing that all along! I love you Padre, Mom, and Abby more then you'll ever know! ... And I love you Maxwell for being someone that I can trust, be joyful with, laugh with, cry with, snuggle with, and most of all... Love. I'm pretty sure I'm the happiest girl in the world!

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance

~ 1 Corinthians 13:7, NLT

UOI,
Becca