All that Junk Up in that Trunk

It's taken me awhile to continue this series. For those of you that don't know, two weeks ago I was taken to the hospital. Long story short, I had some surgery that fixed a lot of problems that I've been dealing with for years. I've been recovering ever since, but now I'm back and ready to continue sharing my story with you.

Part Four of "My Calling" Series...

I was sitting in Mr. Owen's math class when a girl walks in to the classroom. She was a new student and everyone stared at her wondering what her story was. She sat down next to me as she explained where she came from. She evacuated from New Orleans, Louisiana after Hurricane Katrina. I looked at her and shouted, "I remember you!" Our church adopted families after the hurricane (two years before) and my family bought supplies for her family. Since that moment in math class, we became instant friends. 

Eighth grade brought me a lot of challenges. I dealt with gaining friends as well as losing some. I learned lessons the hard way and discovered what depression really meant. I was still really involved in church, but with Laura gone at college I felt alone. I wanted so much to have a girl friend that understood my brain and the way that I thought about things. 

I had been going to a lot of different youth retreats and camps over the past two years and I started to notice a pattern. Worship leaders and preachers would always talk about bringing all your problems to God. Now, I knew that I had a lot of things that were going wrong in my life, but I was content. I started to feel like the odd one out at these events so I would think really hard about the events of my life and pick out my "bad hair days." 

My conversations with God started to sound ungrateful and selfish. Instead of thanking God for the good things in my life, I prayed for the bad things to either go away or shape me into a decent person. I began to hate who I was. I let people shape me into a person that I didn't want to be all so I could "fit in" at these church camps. I didn't know how to act or behave because I was allowing myself to be who God wanted me to be. 

My question is this: Do we as ministers of God, focus more on people bringing their junk to church and unloading? I look at the great commission as Jesus tells us to go out in the world and make disciples. Do we make disciples by guilting people into thinking their life is full of crap? It's easier to convince a person that their life is so messed up that they need Jesus to save them instead of assuring them that the wonderful things that do happen in their life happen because of God's grace and Jesus' sacrifice. What part of our relationship with God is more important?

When I thought that God was only there to help me with my problems instead of also being there in my joys and triumphs, I treated God like vending machine. I put in what I had to in order to get a high from worship. Enough to make me feel good about myself. 

Our job as ministers of Christ is not to "condemn, convict or convert" but instead it is our job to create space for God to do those things. How can we create that space?

God Bless,

Becca

Then the eleven disciples left for Galilee, going to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him—but some of them doubted! Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:16-20)

Imaginary Torch...

Part Three of "My Calling" Series....

Tanako was my foot in the door to understanding who God really was. I remember stepping into the minivan leaving the gate of the camp and going back home thinking that I was leaving the only place that I could worship at. When I walked in the garage door of my house, I was greeted by my sister making fun of me and my family critiquing every move that I made. It was common for them to say something a long the lines of, “That’s a real Christian thing to do!” It ate me up inside for a real long time until I finally told them that one week at camp wasn’t going to be a cure for me to be a perfect Christian. I don’t think it was until I left for college that they really understood that.

7^th grade was the first year that I could join in the youth group. I was so pumped! I had been waiting for this day ever since Abby started going to youth. When I wasn’t old enough to stay at home alone, I would go to work with my mom at the church. She shared her office with Mike Meeks. He was new and each day I sat next to him as he did his work and asked him a million and one questions. He showed me funny videos and projects that he was working on and got me really excited to be involved in church.

My very first youth meeting was in the middle of the summer. We had a movie night in the youth room and watched “The Greatest Game Ever Played.” I laid on the futon mattress surrounded by other youth around the room. In the back of the room was Mike sitting in a metal folding chair yelling at the TV for everything that was happening! There were only two things that I was thinking about that night. One was that this guy was even crazier than I thought he was and two was that I really had to fart. What can I say? I was in the middle school! Might as well be honest here!

The whole entire school year was filled with new experiences and some heart breaking moments. I was as involved at a 7^th grader could be! My sister stopped coming to youth so I was once again alone. There were a lot of people there, but I didn’t really fit in with any of them.

One night at Wednesday Night Ignite, I was leaving Bible study and going to worship. The senior high students were still in Bible study so we ran around like the crazy fools we were. I was not feeling that well that night and stood in the back of the room before worship started. One of the 6^th graders came up to me with a pen and decided that my arm was a coloring sheet. She inked up my whole entire arm as I was trying not to scream in pain. I started to cry a little bit, but I didn’t want to look like a baby so I kept it in until I got home. One of the first things I did when I got home was go on Facebook. I logged on and there it was… a message that saved my life. Laura Barito, a senior in high school told me that if I ever needed anything that she would be there for me. Well, I took her up on that offer and had an amazing friendship with her! Because my sister and I never got along, she became a sister figure to me.

A few months later, she was getting ready to graduate. The youth group sat in the youth room one day before she left for Stevens University. We had a slideshow of pictures in which we rarely saw her face! (She was always hiding from the camera!). And then Mike gave a little speech about moving on to the next steps in your life. He gave her the job of passing the torch on to someone in the youth group and she did. She gave the flame to Bobb, her brother, and the handle to me. After the party, I gave her a graduation present… a bag of purple skittles with a note. At the end of the note I signed off with “That loser…. Becca.” She read the note, looked at me and laid the paper on the ground as she ripped the words “That loser” off and threw it away. She told me to “be Becca and no one else because Becca is not a loser.”

I took the responsibility of holding on to the imaginary torch handle throughout my time in youth. It taught me one too many lessons about moving forward, getting off my high horse, and last but not least… remembering who I am. 7^th grade was tough, but a few years later after I realized that I survived… I learned that my God is tougher.

God Bless,

Becca

Not of this World...

Part Two of "My Calling" Series...

It was 8 years ago when I was standing in the back of the outdoor chapel at Tanako. I had never been to a service that wasn’t led by an organ before. I kept thinking to myself, “This is church?” What was even more confusing was the emotions that I experienced at each worship service. Some of the older girls would cry and look for comfort in each other while I stood there thinking that I was in the midst of a cult!

The last night we had worship we were all gathered together and I was standing next to a few of the girls I had become friends with that week. It was all unplugged music with the lyrics on the screen. I looked up at the screen to see a blue background with a silhouette of a hand in the center. The lyrics in front read, “Here I am to worship, Here I am to bow down, Here I am to say that you’re my God.” That night was different than all the others. I started crying uncontrollably and didn’t know what to do. Before I knew it I had all these girls were surrounding me and giving me hugs. After the song was over, the singer announced that the night was over and if we wanted to go back to our cabins, we could. I bolted out of that chapel as fast as I could, hoping that Mike wouldn’t see me crying. At this point, I had not been in youth. This was my very first activity as a youth so he barely knew me and what he was going to face for the next six years.

There was the rule that we couldn’t go inside of the cabin without our cabin counselor so I sat on the steps waiting for Stackey to arrive. The girls came up to me again asking me why I was crying. My only response was that I was overjoyed that I finally made friends. “I’ve never had real friends before, and now I do.” That sentence was followed by hugs and more tears as we went back into the cabin for more stories and activities.

I’ll always remember that night as the gateway to my relationship with God. I was worried about so many things that night and as soon as I met God… it all disappeared. The ugly outfit I had to wear to the dance, the fact that I didn’t pack my flip flops and had to wear tennis shoes all week, the cute boy that didn’t notice me, and the youth minister that had no idea what he was getting himself into.

This was my beginning into an exciting time in my life. The theme for camp that week was “Not of this World.” I remember before we left camp that Mike said, “Remember the progress you’ve made in here. The world didn’t stop for the week you were in here. It was still going on and people won’t understand what you’ve truly seen and experienced.” I never knew what that really meant until I was dean of that camp six years later and said that same exact thing to the campers that put an imprint on my heart. 

I could continue with what happened when I got home, but I’ll save that for the next part… Until then…

God Bless,

Becca

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)"

The Hannah Montana Experience: Best of Both Worlds

If you follow my blog on a regular basis you know how I was raised. Every Sunday morning when I was growing up we would start the day at First United Methodist Church of Arkadelphia in the third pew on the right hand side. Every Sunday my mother would sit between my sister and I so we wouldn’t bicker with each other. Every Sunday after the service was over I would hand an offering envelope with a drawing on it to our pastor. Every. Sunday.

I recently read this post that a man who had some very strong opinions about contemporary worship wrote. Did I mention it was extremely one-sided? It was something that I couldn’t believe that I was reading. Although, I can relate because of the very evident conflict between contemporary and traditional in my home church of Arkadelphia when we proposed the idea of a contemporary service. A few of the arguments were, “It’s too loud, too expensive, too much…” It gave me an extremely horrible view on the traditional service. I expected the tradition to stay in the service, not the people. It was a foreign concept to me, the expectations of a Christian dissipated when these arguments were going on. We would stand in the sanctuary and sing songs called, “Here I am Lord” and “We are the Church” and then bash a person for worshiping in a different way. Does this make sense?

I was thinking about God and how he showed up in the major prophet’s lives. Did he use a burning bush every time? Of course not. Different people needed different things to understand God. So when I was in 7^th grade and discovered God through contemporary worship, I fell in love with the faith growing inside of me. I might have been dealing with some heavy stuff, but on Wednesday and Sunday nights, I knew that I could let go, sing freely, and lift my hands to my Savior, my God.

This week the Arkansas Conference Council on Youth Ministry is in Clarksville at University of the Ozarks having their Junior High and Senior High Assembly camps. I was one of those youth that was involved with every event and making it happen and I loved every part of it. The senior high camp has a theme for the week called “Old School: Remembering the excitement of your faith when it was new.” I was excited that I was going to be in town and be able to attend the worship services for this event. Not only was I able to see all of my old friends, but I also got the chance to remember the excitement of my faith when it was new.

When do I hear God the loudest? When I’m standing in a room with the house lights down, stage lights up, music so loud I can’t hear myself sing, and the freedom to lift my hands and praise God! I never felt like I was able to do that when I was in traditional worship. I felt like I would be “out of bounds” or “the weird person.” When I felt like I couldn’t be myself in worship, I knew that something was wrong.

I got what I like to call the “Hannah Montana Experience” I was raised traditional, but then able to experience the contemporary worship movement. I got the best of both worlds! I will always hold my hymnal close to my heart, but if I wasn’t given the opportunity to sit behind a shaky laptop stand in a metal folding chair, my faith wouldn’t be where it is today. If you’ve never been in a contemporary service or opened yourself up to experience similar, you have no room to talk about what I feel or don’t feel in worship. It’s not a “passive non-involved activity” that I participate in. It’s how I hear God. It’s how I reconnect with the one who gave me life. It’s where I get to communicate with God on a personal level and if that offends you, read the words that are in your hymnal. They say the same things, in a different language and tone with different concepts.

At the end of the day…. We all worship ONE GOD. I would really like to believe that’s all that matters.

In the next few posts that I write, I’m going to be talking about how came into the calling of ministry. I would like to say it was one big moment, but it was a whole bunch of little ones that I can’t wait to share with you in the future.

God Bless,

Becca

10 Reasons You Have a dysFUNctional Family...

I noticed something about blogs that have been getting a lot of views and being shared around over the web. They all list things! I thought to myself, "Heck! I could post something that listed an important aspect of my life!" So here it is folks... 10 reasons you have a dysFUNctional family!

I was born in New York and the culture there is A LOT different then it is in Arkansas. Some of my family members have said this very sentence, "People from the south are slow and stupid." Yes, I was born in New York, but Arkansas IS my home. It brings me great joy that we moved to Arkansas because it taught me how to be humble. I don't feel like I'm home when I'm in New York which upsets me more than anyone will ever know. I grew up in a wonderful state where my friend's grandparents were next door or just down the road. I missed the opportunity to have that type of atmosphere with my aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins. When I go back to New York, it's weird to see them and they not understand who I am or the steps that I took to get to where I am today.

I was told that I should never have to explain myself for the way that I do things because I have my own unique personality. That's how my family is. While some may call us rude, crude, and socially unacceptable... I believe that we are unique because of our personality as a family. We all have our quirks that make our families special to us so why should we change who we are when we are around company or even our extended family? 

Check out these ten things that have made my family dysFUNctional!

1. We fart.
Everyone does it, it shouldn't be that surprising or disgusting. Every time my family gets together for a family dinner my dad will fart, my mom will drop her fork on her plate and act like she's surprised as she says, "Really Fred?!" She tries to be frustrated, but in all actuality we can't stop laughing.

2. We eat with our elbows on the table.
Just because we eat fancy food, doesn't' mean we shouldn't be able to dig in?! Am I right?

3. Coasters? What's that?!
An Aunt of mine asked me if I knew the purpose for using a coaster over Christmas break. I'm not stupid, I understand the purpose and I can't believe she said that. Those little ring stains on our tables? Those were made from memories.

4. Our furniture comes from Estate Sales.
The couch we have in the living room is the only thing we bought new. Everything else we got for a bargain. We aren't in the business to impress and we know that it doesn't match. We spend our money on things that matter.

5. Footrest?
That's what the coffee table is for. Seriously though, who wants to buy uncomfortable furniture just to impress company?

6. We can talk about awkward topics comfortably.
If you can't talk to your family about what actually goes on in your life, there's no point. Your family is there to help you not make the same mistakes they did. I know, it's insane that they actually understand what happens in the world!

7. Dirty jokes aren't rare.
It has come to the point where I can come up with a dirtier joke than my dad (thank you RTV boys). It's rare, but when it happens we applaud each other for fast thinking and come backs.

8. Politics.
My dad knows everything when it comes to politics. If you are going to mention something about the society, you better be ready for an hour long conversation. I'm pretty sure he knows we aren't really listening. I just think he likes the sound of his own voice!

9. Mess with us.
You mess with one of us and you'll get the wrath of all of us. If you think you can talk behind my sisters back to me and get away with it... you're real funny.

10. The welcome mat is there for a reason.
We actually want to welcome you! Once you step in our house, you're part of the family. The door is always open and you can walk in whenever you want. 

People look at my family and wonder how we operate on a day to day basis. With my dad having his business right next to the living room, my mom having her business at the other end of the house, and all the craziness in-between. We operate from a few things that we learned through the good book. We forgive, love, care, and extend a hand. If we have to put a mask on in front of each other, there's something wrong. We should be able to talk about anything and even have the occasional PMS break downs at the dinner table. We often chose netflix and ice cream over work and we are okay with that. And best of all... we don't need a game or movie to be the reason we spend time together. We spend time together through real conversations because we want to and because we love each other. 

If people tell you that you have a dysfunctional family... remind them that word wouldn't be possible without "FUN" in the middle.

"But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15b)

Becca

I Have No Sympathy Because...

"I have no sympathy because....."

That phrase has started a lot of sentences that people have told me lately. At first, I understood, but after thinking about it for a while it made me really mad. It's just another way of saying, "I don't care about you." 

When does this phrase usually occur? You probably hear it from an elder or mentor that you go to for advice during a difficult situation. They think of it as complaining about petty problems. I don't know if it's supposed to give us encouragement knowing that they went through the same thing and got through it, but none of us want to hear that. We want to know that we are cared about. 

When I was a teenager I was told that I just had to "get through" school. I took that advice because those people told me, "I have no sympathy for you... I was in high school and people make fun of me too. It makes you a better person. Get over it." 

I understand, I really do. You are older than me and you have had more experiences than me. Does that give you the right to tell me that my experiences are tiny compared to yours? I would like to believe that it's not. I would like to believe that there are better ways to say exactly what this phrase is trying to say. 

We are allowed to have our off-days and be irritated every once in awhile. If we didn't have those days we would be perfect and we know that we are not perfect in any way. Let's be honest, when you say that phrase it's because you are having a bad day and you don't want to listen to other people's problems because you have your own stuff to deal with. It's a good way to get rid of a person. 

We have a lot of excuses and they usually sound a little like this...

"But he has a drug problem and he brought this on himself."

"But she was sleeping around, why should I feel sorry for her?"

"But she spends her money on things that I think are useless so why should I help her out?"

"But he's gay so it's not in my place to help him with his relationship issues."

"But they have an un-holy relationship so even if I tell them something about relationships it's just going to go in one ear and out the other."

So we justify these excuses by saying....

"I have no sympathy for you because I got over my problem and I quit cold turkey. Why can't you do that?!"

"I have no sympathy for you because you got in bed with him. You knew he was just going to break your heart. You'll get over it eventually."

"I have no sympathy for you because you spend your money on things that I don't approve of. I think I should look at your receipts before I offer to help you."

"I have no sympathy for you because you chose that lifestyle."

"I have no sympathy for you because you don't go to church and you won't care even if I try to help you."

...and going through the brains of these people is this one thing....

"But I came to you! I want to change my ways, talk about real issues, get help, discuss solutions, and get closer to the one thing that keeps you alive and well! I want to understand how you came to the solutions of your problems that are just like mine. I want you to tell me that it's going to be okay without throwing me under that bus for the choices that I made that got me here. I need a friend and I came to you."

I'm not going to assume that everyone reading this is a Christian so what I am about to say should not be thought of as only applying to Christians. We are humans. We all make mistakes. We all should have each others backs no matter if they are atheist, gay, mental, stupid, or broken. We are all sinners. We are all on the same level.

My point? If you have gone through the same thing that someone is talking about, if you understand the situation, or if you care about humanity at all.... Help each other. Have sympathy. Be human. Don't take advantage of the situation and act perfect because you see a struggling person. Be humble and love.

"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard." (Romans 3:23)

Becca

Dear Benjamin....

Dear Benjamin,

This weekend was incredible! I went home from college to see your big sister graduate with her masters degree. She looked so gorgeous! You would be so proud of how far she's come in the past year! Sometimes I look at her and think of how lucky I am to have someone that loves me so much, no matter what happens. She drives me crazy sometimes, but then I realize that if I didn't have her here, it would drive me even crazier. She's going to be just like your mom and go into accounting. I don't understand why someone would want to be around numbers all day, but she seems to like it! God bless both of them for that! I think I might just have them deal with all my money because me and numbers don't mix!

Dad isn't an engineer anymore, but instead he's a wonderful race director! He is so busy all the time traveling more weekends than not. We moved to Arkansas when you turned two. Dad took one look at DeGray Lake and he knew that engineering wasn't for him anymore. I always tell him that I wish we had a normal life, but that wouldn't be near as interesting! I wouldn't trade what we do for the world!

A lot of people wonder if I'm going to be the next accountant like mom or the next race director like dad, but I really like helping people. I fell in love with ministry when I was in 7th grade and recently, with the experiences the I've had, it's just made sense to be a preacher. I love to talk and it makes so much sense to me to use my voice to help people see God in every part of their life. I worked in the church back home when I was in high school and now I'm helping at the church where I go to college. I just love youth ministry so much and I hope to teach teenage girls the lessons that I learned along the way the past few years. Plus, it will be my mission to distribute deodorant to all the middle school boys! It looks like I have five more years of school since I'm going to seminary after I graduate from Ozarks. I can't wait for that experience!

Your mother is an incredible person with an even more incredible heart. She loves you so much and lives everyday to the fullest, no holding back. I don't know how she does it, waking up at 5 in the morning and not going to bed until 11 at night. She works for your father and does all of his accounting as well registration stuff for all of the events. She works in the church and some insurance companies doing their accounting too. It's absolutely insane how much work she does and she still manages to volunteer places and put her whole heart into everything. 

I always imagined you as my brave big brother that would hold my hand to help me get through life and enjoy the times when things get so crazy that all we can do is laugh! You would pick on me and push me down and then lift me right back up. We would get in fights that don't mean anything and end up laughing about how stupid we were. We would go out to parties and you would pretend to be my boyfriend when a weird guy started hitting on me. You would kick any guy's butt that broke Abby's and I heart and make sure they regret anything they did. Abby, you and me would be best friends through everything no matter what. Abby and I would really love you because you would do all the hard labor for dad! If you can't tell, we really don't like cleaning out the coolers! 

One day, I'll meet you and we'll dance with each other at the feet of Jesus. Even though you never got to experience the world as my big brother, I know that you're out there somewhere looking out for me and Abby. I think about you all the time because I know the sacrifice that you made to bring me into the world. I know that I wouldn't be here if you were born into this world and that sacrifice is what makes me live every day to the fullest. Because of you I'm here on Earth living life and going into ministry. God might have taken your hugs, hands, and laughter away from us, but He didn't take away your spirit. You live inside of me and I will live every day with everything that I've got in memory of you. Your spirit brought me here and I won't water that down. 

I love you Benjamin. I can't wait for the day that I get to dance with you.

Your little sister,
Becca

Benjamin Phillips
1992

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build, 

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away, 

a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak, 

a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,11)