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Monday, May 12, 2014

Dear Benjamin....

Dear Benjamin,

This weekend was incredible! I went home from college to see your big sister graduate with her masters degree. She looked so gorgeous! You would be so proud of how far she's come in the past year! Sometimes I look at her and think of how lucky I am to have someone that loves me so much, no matter what happens. She drives me crazy sometimes, but then I realize that if I didn't have her here, it would drive me even crazier. She's going to be just like your mom and go into accounting. I don't understand why someone would want to be around numbers all day, but she seems to like it! God bless both of them for that! I think I might just have them deal with all my money because me and numbers don't mix!

Dad isn't an engineer anymore, but instead he's a wonderful race director! He is so busy all the time traveling more weekends than not. We moved to Arkansas when you turned two. Dad took one look at DeGray Lake and he knew that engineering wasn't for him anymore. I always tell him that I wish we had a normal life, but that wouldn't be near as interesting! I wouldn't trade what we do for the world!

A lot of people wonder if I'm going to be the next accountant like mom or the next race director like dad, but I really like helping people. I fell in love with ministry when I was in 7th grade and recently, with the experiences the I've had, it's just made sense to be a preacher. I love to talk and it makes so much sense to me to use my voice to help people see God in every part of their life. I worked in the church back home when I was in high school and now I'm helping at the church where I go to college. I just love youth ministry so much and I hope to teach teenage girls the lessons that I learned along the way the past few years. Plus, it will be my mission to distribute deodorant to all the middle school boys! It looks like I have five more years of school since I'm going to seminary after I graduate from Ozarks. I can't wait for that experience!

Your mother is an incredible person with an even more incredible heart. She loves you so much and lives everyday to the fullest, no holding back. I don't know how she does it, waking up at 5 in the morning and not going to bed until 11 at night. She works for your father and does all of his accounting as well registration stuff for all of the events. She works in the church and some insurance companies doing their accounting too. It's absolutely insane how much work she does and she still manages to volunteer places and put her whole heart into everything. 

I always imagined you as my brave big brother that would hold my hand to help me get through life and enjoy the times when things get so crazy that all we can do is laugh! You would pick on me and push me down and then lift me right back up. We would get in fights that don't mean anything and end up laughing about how stupid we were. We would go out to parties and you would pretend to be my boyfriend when a weird guy started hitting on me. You would kick any guy's butt that broke Abby's and I heart and make sure they regret anything they did. Abby, you and me would be best friends through everything no matter what. Abby and I would really love you because you would do all the hard labor for dad! If you can't tell, we really don't like cleaning out the coolers! 

One day, I'll meet you and we'll dance with each other at the feet of Jesus. Even though you never got to experience the world as my big brother, I know that you're out there somewhere looking out for me and Abby. I think about you all the time because I know the sacrifice that you made to bring me into the world. I know that I wouldn't be here if you were born into this world and that sacrifice is what makes me live every day to the fullest. Because of you I'm here on Earth living life and going into ministry. God might have taken your hugs, hands, and laughter away from us, but He didn't take away your spirit. You live inside of me and I will live every day with everything that I've got in memory of you. Your spirit brought me here and I won't water that down. 

I love you Benjamin. I can't wait for the day that I get to dance with you.

Your little sister,

Benjamin Phillips

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot, 
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build, 
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance, 
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 
a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away, 
a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak, 
a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,11)

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