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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

What's on your mind......

That's what it asks me whenever I go to update my Facebook status. What's on my mind? That's a good question. I've been raised in a society of social media... and I love it! I hear all of these older people talking about us not knowing what we could have experienced, but I don't think that I would want to live in any other time period. 

When I update my Facebook... My family, friends from camp, Ozarks, Arkadelphia, New York... they all see it. This is about to make me sound extremely lazy, but I don't have to pick up the phone or go visit someone unless I absolutely want to. 

I've been running into that problem lately. All of my family live in New York and I haven't seen them in three years! Three years!! Do you know how crazy that is? I keep telling my parents how much I want to see my grandparents, but the money thing gets in the way. My grandparents are probably the sweetest people in the world! If I were to describe their personality... Nicolas Sparks. Sounds like the just jumped right out of one of his novels. Their love for each other, even with all the stuff that they've been through. On my dad's side I just have my grandma left. Grandpa passed away when I was in 5th grade, it was really hard to deal with because I never got to know him. She remarried and he passed away late in October. She's not doing too well right now, and I wish I could be there for her, but I'm 22 hours away with no money for a plane ticket.

Christmas break is taking forever it seems. I needed the break, but not like this. I find myself missing the Ozarks more and more each day... especially the people there! I love Arkadelphia, but I'm not active in the community anymore. I feel like I was shooed out when I went to college and no one really want me back here for a long period of time. I'm going to visit my friends like I should, but besides that I'm just finding more and more reasons to go back to school. It's time for me to grow up and become the adult that God wants me to be. No, I'm not about to go get a house, get married, and have kids. That's waaaay in the future, but I do want to consider what life would like if I had that chance. I'm ready to take a big step towards the future... I really don't think I was ready for that in August, but it's time now. 

Well this blog was random. You have now experienced Becca on her meds.... Now I'm going to sleep. Thanks be to God!!

UOI,
Becca

It's those little things that I miss... Our all nighter before we left for break :)
 

Monday, December 17, 2012

Green Finger....

Being back in Arkadelphia is crazy. I'm not sure if I miss this place, or if I just miss the people. When I got back into town I made sure one of the first places I went was Jostens. Losing all my weight was a good thing, until my ring started to fall off. I went and got it re sized so I wouldn't have to worry about it falling off anymore. 

Since my hand was feeling really naked, I found an old ring from my roommate and decided to put on until I got my other ring back. The particular ring looks like a wedding ring... try explaining that to your family. When we bought the rings, we made a pack to not go any farther then we were ready to with our boyfriends. 

Well things have changed since we got these rings and we've changed too. One things that I've noticed about wearing it now is that it's turning my finger green. People always told me that fake rings would do that. That's ringing in my head lately. Am I as fake as my ring? I feel that sometimes I put on this face that I goodie two shoes, but I'm really not. I desire to be a good person, but life gets in the way. 

The author of Winnie the Pooh has a quote that I imagine God saying to me sometimes. It makes me really believe in myself and who HE wants me to be, not who I want to be. 

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Really puts things in perspective. I hope you take that and really apply it to your life and start to believe in yourself. It's amazing the person that you'll become!

UOI,
Becca  

Here's your photo of the day... My little brother and I! He was so excited to take a picture with me! :)

Friday, December 14, 2012

Home Sweet Home......

Yesterday was a crazy day for me! I spend all Wednesday night/Thursday morning with my sweetheart, finished my math final, completed some photoshop things, drove home, visited Mama Ash, walked in the door, ate super with the family, and went to bed! 

It was a little hard for me to say some goodbyes in Clarksville. I've become really fond of that place! It's so weird to say this because I still can't believe that I'm living on my own, but it's almost like I'm just in Arkadelphia visiting... which is true.... wow... I'm growing up!

Today I went to see the cardiologist and get the testing done, the crazy thing?! They didn't even do the testing!! I was pretty ticked! The doctor jumped to a whole bunch of conclusions just like every other doctor and is going to put me on a heart monitor for a month. I don't know how to feel about that, except for the fact that we've been through this before. He told me my job was to have a spell or attack while the monitor was on. I'm not sure how that's going to go, but we'll figure it out. I'm not the most excited person in the world about wearing it.... But here's to figuring it out!

After I was done at the doctor I did a lot of going around town, trying to see people! I went to Burger Barn to see Shannon and Jucory, which was amazing! I missed them so much! They are incredible! Then I went to see Christopher! It was a huge surprise for him! We hugged and it was the most incredible feeling ever! I've missed his hugs so much! Then shortly after... I made my visit to Mary and Martha's, and then for pictures with Santa! Bean has gotten soooo big! I got to hold him and he's so heavy now! I love it! My sugar is growing up!! Then of course... I had to visit the girl I've called my best friend for the past 7 years... Anna Wee!! We actually got to talk about a lot of stuff, and it was pretty crazy! I missed that a lot! Shannon, Anna and I are going to have a girls day in January! I'm way too excited about it! 

Overall, the break is turning out to be a good thing! I didn't know how much I missed Arkadelphia, and it sure is good to be in my own room, with my own bed, listening to music (without headphones), and enjoying life! So amazing! 

Sooo... Merry Christmas! 

UOI,
Becca

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Finally......

It's been a whole semester of learning, trying new things, getting advice, going to classes, taking tests, and most of all.... doing God's will.

If you know me at all, you would know that I suck at hiding things. When something happens good to me, I can't hold it in! I've got to tell someone! Well something good has happened to me, and I guess I'm gonna share it on my blog since no one reads it anyways...

One of my friends that I've made this semester has started to become more of a friend! We are starting a relationship together, and it's probably the most amazing feeling ever! 

I've also started to wrap up my first semester of college! Can you believe it?! It's gone by sooo fast! I think it's a good thing, at least it feels that way! Other students have told me that it gets even faster as time goes along, I don't know if I can handle that!!

In just three more days I'll be home, and I'll also be getting the testing done for my heart! This is going to be such a good thing I hope! I'm not going to lie, I hope that they find something wrong so they can at least fix it. If one more doctor tells me that it's all in my head, I might just go crazy! I'm ready to get this fixed! 

Wellll... I know that you all are waiting for a picture or two since I've deprived you of that lately, so I'm going to leave you will a Bible verse and picture! :)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 
-Philippians 4:6-7

My Sweetheart :)

UOI,
Becca

Monday, December 3, 2012

Good day....

Today has been a busy day... Good, but busy. 

I'm actually working on putting together a "to do" list for the rest of the week. I have so many things that need to be done, but they aren't extremely time consuming so I'm taking time to breathe and relax. 

I sent a text to one of my friends today with a Bible verse that I had read. It was about putting your hope in God to find rest. It says:

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:30-31)

This is a verse that I've heard over and over again, but it rings so much truth to me today. I've really been scared and worried about what is going to come out of the appointment with the Cardiologist. When people ask me if I'm okay, I always say that I'm fine because the last thing I want is people to worry about me. I'm actually really bad at that. I could be with someone that I really care about and in complete pain and not able to tell them. I'm trying to handle it by myself because I don't want people to react in freak-out mode and make me worry even more. 

When I was back home people used to unload their problems on me all the time. It really wasn't a big deal because I was so familiar with it. The only thing that I really prayed for when I got to college was to find a person that I could confine in about everything without putting the weight on their shoulders. God answered my prayers because he gave me an incredible church band, boyfriend, and friends. I still am the "go-to" person for most people, but it's also good to know that there are people that are there for me to. It allows the worry and stress to reside a little bit at a time. 

Keep strong in your faith.... No matter what you're going through!!! 

UOI,
Becca

Friday, November 30, 2012

Enthusiasm...

You ever get those days where you wake up and just know that it's going to be amazing? Today was that kind of day! I woke up in an incredible mood and was ready to take on the day!

Yesterday I was pretty dizzy, and today the rest kicked int! I was so happy to finally be feeling better! 

Tomorrow is the big Winter Formal for school! I was really hesitant about going because I don't have a date to go with, but I think my roommate and I might go together! I don't want to put my little black dress to waste! ;)

Last night when I was hanging out with one of my friends I had a big realization. We were talking about opening our Bibles more and having quiet time with God. 

This is probably where I have one of my biggest downfalls. I don't open my Bible near as much as I should and just yesterday when I started to do it again I felt such a relief. 

I know I shouldn't be in worship to feel something for myself, but instead to give something to God... It's just sometimes it makes more sense. We have things that happen in our life and when it gets tough it makes sense to turn back to God. 

What happens when good things happen in our life? Because to be honest right now, it's really hard to open my Bible tonight since I've had such a good day. 

So here we are! Shall we open our Bibles, read into God's word, and remember the meaning of this season? 

Here's something to get you started! 
50 Bible Verses to Hold Close

UOI,
Becca

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Turning Around....

I just noticed that the last few titles of my blog posts almost sound like the Hokey Pokey... Yeah, welcome to my life!

Today has been hard.. Last night my dizziness got really bad while I was at church. I ended up pouring my heart out to the band members at church and they were so welcoming, I can't tell them enough how much that meant to me. Since I wasn't really up to driving one of the guys gave me a ride back to the dorm. I'm so thankful for the family that I have here in Clarksville!

I was laying in bed trying to figure out something that I could do when I looked over and saw my Bible. To be honest, it has been sitting there for awhile. I haven't opened it except for church on Sunday morning. The bookmarks that I have in it are from lessons that I have taught over the years, but not from studying. I always told myself that it was one of my big goals to study the Bible and really get into scripture, but I never really had the desire. 

I remember when I first started out in youth and Mike was getting us ready for worship. He told me to look up a Bible verse for him in the book of psalms and when I found it I just kept reading. When I finally looked up from reading, I was sitting on the stage, 10 minutes of worship had gone by, and the worship leader was wrapping up the first set. I don't know where that passion went, but I want it back. 

Today I started formatting a new worship service that the school is going to offer and in doing so I ran across a lot of great scripture. I'm so thrilled to get the opportunity to preach in front of the Ozarks student body next semester. I was really praying about what God wants to see in this service and I have a feeling that it's going to be one like no other! 

So here's to new beginnings... Continue praying for me and the people around you. 

UOI,
Becca

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Advice...

I'm a giver. 

With everything that I do and in every situation, I give until I have nothing left.

Ministry attracted me because it was a job where I could help people and be for them no matter what. 

When I was little I used to buy gifts for everyone for every occasion. The first thing that went through my brain was that if I bought these gifts that maybe they would like me just a little bit more. When I ran out of material things to buy I would start doing favors. Even if I was dirt broke I would take my last 20 dollars to fill up my friends gas tank. 

My parents? Oh, they knew what was up all along. They were never happy with my decisions of how I spent my money or time. They were constantly telling me that I was being used and abused. I didn't want to believe it because the friends that I did have were there for me.. at least that's what I thought. 

I was kinda acting like the play slime that I used to have when I was a kid. You can stretch it out so thin, but as soon as you let go, it goes back to it's normal shape. I'm still like that to this day. I'll get so busy with everything that goes on in life and I'll get stretched so thin, but then I'll come back to my senses and turn to God to put me back into shape. 

I have so many things that are rolling through my brain constantly.. and I worry.. a lot. Tonight when I was at church band practice I was talking to some of the members afterward about the things that were going on in my life. I was about to break down and start crying when one of the guys told me that I shouldn't worry. 

The first thing that popped in my head? "Easy for you to say..."

But then he said something else.

"If you worry, do you truly have faith?"

Really throws me back to my senses. I want to be a person that turns back to God all the time, but I can't do that it seems. There is something in the back of my head that is telling me, "everything you are feeling in perfectly normal.. Keep worrying..."

I'm just throwing this out there, but I need some prayer. If you're into that kinda thing... I would appreciate it... a lot. 

UOI,
Becca

Monday, November 26, 2012

Spinning....

When I was little the school that I went to had a Merry-Go-Round. Of course no schools to this day have one, but at recess that was the thing to play on! The bigger kids would be the ones that would spin us round and round and you always screamed, no matter how fast you were going!

I remember one day when I went out to recess one of the older kids told me that his friend was thrown off the Merry-Go-Round last week because he made it go fast! So guess Becca did? Never rode that ride ever again!

I'll go back to the playground every once and while and see the stump where it used to be and remember about how I never took the chance to see what it would have been like to ride it a little bit faster. 

Life gets like that for me. I get so worried about what people tell me or how they respond to situations, maybe I'll end up just like them so I don't move forward. 

I like the rush that I used to get on those rides. The only thing you had to worry about is hanging on. Being a Christian I see that I with every step, chance, move forward that I take I have one amazing God holding onto me. 

I'm so amazed at the life that I had, and I couldn't be more thankful.

*Raises Glass*

Here's to getting back on the Merry-Go-Round!

UOI,
Becca

Sunday, November 25, 2012

I Should've Done That....

You know what I've come to notice over the past few days?

Everyone's a coach during a bad football game.
....and....
Everyone's a weather man during a tornado.

I went to the Henderson State University Play-off game and when the score started getting bad... the crowd starting coaching.

"You should have caught that!"
"Why didn't you throw it to the other player?!"
"Are you stupid or something?! Play!"

And when 4th quarter came and it looked to be no more hope... everyone left. Heck.. I left too!

I really started to think about my life and how I could apply this, and I came up with a pretty amazing explanation! This is good too! 

When we read the Bible, do we think in terms of, "I'm going to apply this to my life!" or "Oh shit! I screwed it up all along!"


Honestly... I'm the second one. Let's stop worrying about the past and start focusing on the future! The woulda shoulda stuff doesn't matter anymore! We are hear to proclaim God's news TODAY.. Not yesterday! So put down your scale and start moving forward.. you'll work yourself out of the rut one day, but let's just focus on being new people! 

Pray about it!
UOI,
Becca

Friday, November 23, 2012

Relaxing....

After two visits to the hospital, one visit to the doctor, and a week of not being able to eat much... I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.

It's been crazy lately and I don't really know how to thank everyone that's been there for me! I usually will be able to get over the symptoms, but it wasn't like that the past two times. The voice in the back of my head said it was a little more serious then normal. 

The good news is that I'll be getting help to fix the problem. Just a few more visits to different doctors so we can figure out what's really going on. It's hard to believe that I might not have to deal with it after 6 years of it being constantly something in the back of my mind. 

I decided I was going to start something new this year and it's been something that I've been thinking about for awhile now. I'm going to start a good news jar. Whenever something good happens in my life I'm going to put it in the jar and next year, I'll empty the jar and read what I wrote. It'll be something that I can go back and smile at! It'll be something that I'll also be able to look at and constantly see that there is good in my life so matter what happens! Things have been so crazy lately, that I really need to start this!

I was talking to someone the other night about some of the unfortunate things that were happening in my life and their response was, "This is all in God's Plan..." A really comforting thing to hear really, it made me think that, "If God put me to it, He can put me through it." 
We continued talking and I was telling her about college life and some things that my friends and I get ourselves into. (PG-13 Material) Her response? "That's just part of life.. You gotta push through..."

Light bulb!

At what point does bad decisions and bad circumstances separate you from God? 

You think it would be the exact opposite to be honest.

If a person wasn't making the best choices in life wouldn't you want them to know that God's unconditional love was open to them just as much as the holy and righteous preacher? Of course. Makes plenty of sense! I think the worldly side of think that we shouldn't accept those who "mess up" or "take a different path" because they need to be kept accountable for what they do or did. 

Another one of my good friends at school reminded me that all sin is equal and Jesus' sacrifice would be completely meaningless unless continued to ask for HIS acceptance, love, and forgiveness. Probably one of the most amazing and unexpected things I've heard in a long time. 

I'm gonna let this 1st grade lesson sit on your brain for awhile...

UOI,
Becca

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Being Thankful...

What's the cheesiest quote that I've ever heard? Glad you asked!

"If you aren't in pain, you're dead."

That quote means a lot to me this week. I'm not the happiest person in the world, wishing that I was at the table with my family eating until I couldn't eat anymore.

But instead, I'm laying in bed.... Beautiful.

This post was actually inspired by Facebook. Seriously?! Yeah... I have no life.

I was thinking about writing a status that talks about all the things I'm thankful for. Like I said, It's kinda hard to come up with something this week, but I'm managing to have a little bit of thought.

Let's just start listing.. Shall We?

My Family. That's a broad term actually because I have so many people I consider to be in family. So let me downsize this statement to my Biological Family. Rose, my Mom.. Fred, my Dad... and Abby, my sister. As much as we've gone through together... They've always taken me back...

My Friends. It used to not be many, but now I have quite a few. All the way from my very first friend, Anna Bell... to my Ozarks RTV friends. They all have a special place in my heart and I consider them all to be brothers and sisters to me. I will never abandon them, for God gave me the gift of unconditional love so I will return it towards the people that come into my life.

Cameras. Yeah, I said it. I LOVE to take pictures and most importantly people take pictures of me. I just love the feeling of complete rush. You're in charge of what you capture and what you don't.

Worship Design. This is pretty high on the list. I love being able to walk into a church, sit down behind the computer, and make the service happen. It's my act of worship. God works through me in every way possible... even when I mess everything up.

Relationships. God has put some wonderful men in my life so far. Every relationship is a lesson and it has helped me to grow more as a person. I'm even more thankful for the relationship that I'm in now. To have someone that I can share the same faith with makes me the happiest girl in the world. 

Ozarks. I might not be the smartest person when it comes to worrying about money or how I'm going to live after college, but I have come to understand that my life right now at Ozarks is the best possible thing. I knew from the moment that I stepped on campus that I was in the right place and God was going to be able to work through me no matter what. 

Social Media. I am a big Facebook, Instagram, Twitter Fan. They help me to connect with people that I wouldn't see on a daily basis. I'm so happy that my family back in New York can check up on me and I can do the same. 

Talking. That's a simple thing to be thankful for, but I'm serious. My mouth does a lot of things... it relays messages, prays, cusses, praises, laughs, smiles, frowns, but most importantly speaks. I'm able to be me and the only way that I can do that is through talking. I'm a talker! Can you believe that?!

My Bed. Yeah, it's pretty comfortable. Actually.. I'm laying in it right now! Wanna know why? It's bedtime! Goodnight everyone... stay strong and be thankful.... Everyday... Not just today...

UOI,
Becca

Monday, November 19, 2012

Life....

Do you ever have one of those days--weeks when nothing makes sense? It's not like it's a long week that takes forever to end, but it's a time where you're really trying to figure things out.

I've been sick this whole past week and it hasn't been fun. At. All. 

I really don't want attention. Seriously. 

That's what a lot of people thought when I was back home.

"Something always has to be wrong with her."
"She's always making up some sickness so people will pay attention to her."
"This girl is so dumb thinking she is going to die or something."

Do you really think it ever crossed my mind that I wanted to get sick?! Yeah. NO. It's not exactly fun.

When I lost all my weight this past year things got a little bit worse, when I went to the doctor he told me that it was just all in my head and part of anxiety. I understand that can be a part of it, but I was positive that wasn't the whole story. 

This morning I almost passed out again and went to the hospital at 4:30. I laid in bed for 30 minutes trying to convince myself to get help. I hate getting help. I don't want to bother anyone. EVER. 

When I finally convinced myself that I needed to go to the hospital I felt like crap. I hated the fact that I had to wake up Megan so early to drive me there. It seriously killed me.

The doctor was really nice though. He actually gave me a name for what I have and that was a huge relief. Apparently I have horrid vertigo and that's the reason why I get dizzy all the time. 

I really can't thank the people that listened to me blab on for hours. I was so out of it and they were so patient with me. Thank you! 

Until the next blog post...

UOI,
Becca 

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Speaking right through me....

God keeps calling me to speak... 

I don't know why..

I don't know if He means RIGHT NOW...

But I'm afraid I'm playing the Jonah card back on Him...

I keep telling myself that I'm not ready because I haven't gone through enough school or I don't have a "good enough" life yet... Heck! That's what the world tells me everyday. Go to school. Get Smart. Get a Job. Work your way up in the world.

I presented my Rob Bell project today in Critical Inquiry... I was really pleased with how it went, but I really surprised myself with how I answered a question from one of the students.

They asked how Rob's story relates to my life.

My answer?
 

"I really like how Rob Bell speaks. I remember watching him when I was in 7th grade and I was just memorized by the big words and illustrations that he used. He really knows what he's talking about and it's not that I look at him as God, but it's really easy to hear God speak through him. I got my call into the ministry when I was going into 7th grade and I hope to be a pastor that possess that gift. I don't want to speak, I want God to speak through me."

Yeah.. That's all God right there. I wasn't prepared to tell people about my calling because I honestly don't know if I've really been hearing God right, but I guess I have been. He always knows when to butt into my life and make a point. 

I don't want to think that I'm running away wither because God is really working on me lately, I just haven't been doing any work back. 

So that's it for tonight. God has really been tugging on me lately... Back to the start line...

UOI,
Becca

Monday, November 5, 2012

Attachment.....

Do you ever think to yourself what life would be like if didn't feel as if we had to be in constant attachment to things and people? 

When I was back home I attached my identity to the church and my youth group. I love them both to death and think the world of my kids! They are probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, but it emotionally tore me up the first few weeks of school.

People kept telling me that it was okay to go out and do dumb things, but I never wanted to because I wanted to be an example for the kids. I wanted them to go off to college saying they could be a good Christian because I could. 

It's harder then it looks. 

I love my family and home church to death, but I'm going to have to detach somethings and start making decisions for me and God. 

I have people and things here that make me happy and I don't deserve to be down about life anymore! The best thing... is that I could still be happy if these things weren't in my life. I'm making a dramatic change and depending on myself and God. Probably the best thing for me right now!

What are you attached too?

UOI,
Becca


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Prodigal....

You know the story about the Prodigal Son... 

Son wants his Inheritance.
Father gives it to him.
Son goes butt wild and crazy.
Son runs out of money.
Son goes home.
Father has open arms.
Father throws party.
Other son gets jealous.
Father reminds other son that he already had everything.

Sounds about right? 

My story for the most part is the one of the good one. The one that you don't hear much about? Yeah, that was me. I convinced myself that I was bad just so I could have a good story, but it never really worked out for me. 

Don't get me wrong... I mess up and make stupid decisions, but I don't regret them for anything. I think that things happen in your life for a reason... To learn and grow. That's so cliche I know I know, but seriously think about it....

I love this story because of the open arms that the father has to the son. He messed up and comes back to a completely unconditional father. That's my goal in life... to be as unconditional as possible. I'm screwing that up right now, but besides that... I don't know how to react most of the time... I guess my anger gets the best of me. I toggle between the father and the other son.. I'll be unconditional unless there is nothing in for me. That sounds sooo selfish, and it is! I'm trying to fix it.. so far so good. 

I'm really getting back to a solid prayer life again... asking God to come in and renovate me again. I've been through the recreation process so many times... It's ridiculous. I'm glad He has open arms... Even for the ones who stay.

UOI,
Becca

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Seeing God...

The past few days have been crazy stressful! I had my eyes opened to a new scripture and I want to share it with you...

Luke 10:38-42

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I've been worried about the preparations for awhile now. Ever since I started college I started neglecting my faith, and it's not that I was trying to... it just happened. It was so easy to see God when I was back home in Arkadelphia. I went to school and everyone knew me as the "good Christian girl" so people were continuing to keep me accountable, I had an amazing job at my church working for my youth minister, and I was really involved in the youth group! There wasn't really a chance for me to not see God. Things haven't changed in the seeing God department... I see Him everyday... when I decide to look. 

So many things have happened lately and it's easy to blame God, but I don't want that to overcome me. I want to be able to have a relationship with God where I feel like I can tell Him everything and anything. Isn't that how it should be in the first place? Of course! Why is it so difficult to accept that? I remember people telling me that they have felt so low before that they couldn't pick themselves up to even talk to God. I can finally understand where they are coming from. I could be stupid and blame it on the things that surround me, but that's not the case at all. It's all me. I choose not to look. I choose to live my life this way.

The amazing thing about Mary is that she knew that God was right there and she did what we should all do. Stop and worship. When I read this the other day I felt as if God was speaking right to me. Only few things are needed in life.... indeed only one true thing is needed in life.

Sooo... In saying all that... Where did you see God today?

UOI,
Becca

This is my spot back home. Where I feel the closest to God. I used to come in at midnight after the worst day ever and scream at the top of my lungs and feel God just having an absolute grasp on me. He still holds on to me, even when I'm not in this spot. Our church will soon be going through a building project and this is going to be so much more different, but it will always be where I came to my senses.
 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Honestly.....

I'm taking this class called Interpersonal Communications and one of the main things that we do is blog! The topics go all the way from our view on the divorce rates to our view on "good" people going into sex shops. The professor that teaches the class loves me to death. Apparently when I write my blogs I'm completely honest in every single way and he has never met a person so open about their life. When I read the topics I always think about what I'm going to write and what message I'm conveying. It was really hard when I first started school because my brain was still in high school goodie two shoes mode, but I was wanting to "rebel" sooo bad. 

I really got a slap on the face when one of my friends came up to me and told me that he would read my blogs and think they were written by an absolutely marvelous Christian woman... and then there was me. I was trying so hard to put on a good face, but in all seriousness I was limiting myself to my true greatness given from God.

I even get scared when I'm writing this blog. I think to myself about how others are going to respond and hope that no one gets offended or feels like they have to change their ways because of what I have written. I haven't even told anyone about this blog yet. I keep telling myself that I'm going to publish it on Facebook so other people can read my thoughts of randomness, but I don't think that I'm ready for it. It's not that I'm afraid to be honest, well maybe I am. 

Maybe the question that I'm really trying to face is "Who am I?" I'm writing these posts from what comes completely out of my brain to the keyboard.... but I don't know if this is just another face of mine or the true me. 

I'll tell you who I desire to be. 
I desire to be a true Christian, woman of God, shining the light, reflecting the Son. 
I desire to make people smile even when they don't want to. 
I desire to teach people about God through worship design.
I desire to go to Australia and learn how produce a worship experience that begins the journey of faith in a person's life.
I desire to grow in faith everyday.
I desire to find true love.
I desire to have children... a little boy... Bob Michael :)
I desire to graduate college.
I desire to be honest, not holding back, entering the gates of Heaven after my time here, thinking to myself... "That was one hell of a ride!"

UOI,
Becca

Monday, October 22, 2012

Ehhh... Let's write another post...

Should I share the long list of homework that I have with you? Maybe I should share about the emotional breakdown that I had in the kitchen? Or better yet how delicious the chicken and rice tasted? Gahhh.... I'm so stressed out!

I was cooking to help get rid of some of the stress while listening to Kyle Thurman. It's always at the right time that I hear his lyrics to "Search Me". It helps me to be a better person and realize that God still has a hold on my life.

I just finished my math homework... you don't know how proud of myself I am. Yeah, it might have taken 3 hours, but I finished it! Thank you Kyle Eberhart! Best. Tutor. Ever.

Well if you're looking at the time stamp you will notice that it is way past Becca's bed time!

UOI,
Becca

Too Much Sleep....

I've come to the conclusion that it is completely possible to get too much sleep... Physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I've been sleeping for awhile now. Stress gets so crazy that sometimes a nap sounds like the best thing for me! 

When it comes to my spiritual life I know it's about time that I "wake up from my slumber". I had such an incredible spiritual experience when I was back home. My youth minister taught me so much and I was always so full of God and willing to learn so much more. I was always teaching the other youth by my actions (or at least I would like to think that) and words. I think of them as my kids because I learned so much from them... I miss them soooo much. 

But it was almost like I thought I could just put my spiritual life on cruise control through college because I've already learned everything. Negative Ghostrider. There is still so much that I have to learn and I'm just now getting to a point where I'm ready to start again. 

When I was in tenth grade I performed a skit with Mike and after practice I would go home in tears from the incredible spiritual experience. God spoke to me so much through it. It was called "Loose Connections"... I would share it with you, but it was probably the worst acting I have every done! The overall point? God is there. All you have to do is look for him. 

So yeah. College is great! I'm just getting a little stressed out! But it'll be okay! I'm going to start cracking open the Bible just a little bit more to see what God is trying to tell me. I know He's trying to make some sort of a point, but I can't figure it out right now! Say a few prayers for me! 

UOI,
Becca

My absolute favorite band of all time! I miss them like crazy!

All the kids and I! I can't wait to see them this weekend!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Sleepy Time.....

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

I've come to the conclusion that there is no such term as "day" or "night" in college! I just sleep whenever I can! Today was a much needed sabbath for me! I got my hair and nails done! Woo Hoo! But I also knocked out a lot of my school work for this week! I'm still staring at the prompt for Old Testament, but it will get done! I promise!

Since I haven't shared any pictures or anything I thought that I could do that for today's blog!
Bestie and Bean!

This is the kid that I call my little brother.... Austin Meeks!

Best Friend. No Doubt about it!

Two of my closet friends :) Shannon and Michael!

One of the things that I love to do the most... Softball :)

Shannon and Michael's Baby, Bean!

My Sweetheart!

Me as a little baby :)

My old Youth Minster/Boss/Friend! Mike Meeks!

Padre!

Sister!

Mom and Dad!

The Biological family!
UOI,
Becca

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Who? Me?

Sometimes I'll read the story of Moses and wish that my calling was that simple. 

You. 
Here. 
Do this. 
Now. 

I got my calling when I was going into 7th grade and it's been a wild ride ever since. I knew that ministry was going to be a big part of my life, but I never expected for it to take over. I used to think of ministry as just a job, but I don't do that anymore. 

Being in College has introduced me to a whole new life. I'm having to do something with my calling. Right now I'm sitting in the library working on a project for Critical Inquiry. Rob Bell is amazing figure to me, he was one of the people that inspired me to pursue ministry. In the particular interview that I'm reading he was asked this question, and I love his response!

If a 20 year old told you she was entering full-time ministry because she wanted to serve God and make a difference in the world, what questions would you have for her? How would you respond?
I would ask her if she's a Christian. If she said "yes," I would say "Too late! You're already in full-time ministry! The real question is: what are you going to do with your God-given passions and energies? Who are you going to help? What are you going to make? Where are you going to serve? Go do that, and release yourself from the need to give it labels.

I guess I'll leave you with that! We're in ministry full time! Let's do this....

UOI,
Becca