I'm a giver.
With everything that I do and in every situation, I give until I have nothing left.
Ministry attracted me because it was a job where I could help people and be for them no matter what.
When I was little I used to buy gifts for everyone for every occasion. The first thing that went through my brain was that if I bought these gifts that maybe they would like me just a little bit more. When I ran out of material things to buy I would start doing favors. Even if I was dirt broke I would take my last 20 dollars to fill up my friends gas tank.
My parents? Oh, they knew what was up all along. They were never happy with my decisions of how I spent my money or time. They were constantly telling me that I was being used and abused. I didn't want to believe it because the friends that I did have were there for me.. at least that's what I thought.
I was kinda acting like the play slime that I used to have when I was a kid. You can stretch it out so thin, but as soon as you let go, it goes back to it's normal shape. I'm still like that to this day. I'll get so busy with everything that goes on in life and I'll get stretched so thin, but then I'll come back to my senses and turn to God to put me back into shape.
I have so many things that are rolling through my brain constantly.. and I worry.. a lot. Tonight when I was at church band practice I was talking to some of the members afterward about the things that were going on in my life. I was about to break down and start crying when one of the guys told me that I shouldn't worry.
The first thing that popped in my head? "Easy for you to say..."
But then he said something else.
"If you worry, do you truly have faith?"
Really throws me back to my senses. I want to be a person that turns back to God all the time, but I can't do that it seems. There is something in the back of my head that is telling me, "everything you are feeling in perfectly normal.. Keep worrying..."
I'm just throwing this out there, but I need some prayer. If you're into that kinda thing... I would appreciate it... a lot.