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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Remembering Jason...

Monday afternoon as I was tutoring a student, my phone rang. I got the news that a dear friend and mentor of mine had passed, Jason Molitor. I didn't want to believe that it was true. I still don't want to believe that it's true. 

Grief does weird things to people. I couldn't help but want to call him as soon as I found out. I just wanted to talk to him and tell him that he made a difference in my life. Jason was one of the first people to introduce me to Jesus as my personal savior. I didn't understand what he was talking about at the time, but now I see what he was doing. He was preparing me for the moments where temptation and trouble would come. 

When I decided to come to University of the Ozarks, I knew that I would be okay because Jason was only 30 minutes down the road. He was always encouraging to me especially during the first semester of college. He was always so inviting when I came to the Wesley Foundation. Our friendship started way before college, he was at the Wesley Foundation in Arkadelphia while I was in middle school. I remember being the honorary 13 year old college student. I would go to the services and hang out with all the students, making memories every single time. 

Jason was one of the people that I could call and he would listen to me cry. Before I got the news yesterday, I was going to call him and tell him about things that were going on in my life. 

I keep trying to tell myself not to laugh, but whenever I think about the times that Jason and I spent together all I do is laugh. He was always there to put a smile on my face, even when I didn't want one. One of the biggest jokes that Jason and I had were about shoes. One day we were talking about ice skating and I told him that my dad still had his ice skating shoes. Apparently, the correct title for ice skating shoes is "ice skates". Every single time we would see each other we would ask each other what type of shoes we were wearing. He was there for all those big life moments for me. One of my favorite pair of shoes that he would wear was his, "I'm going to make you laugh shoes" along with the "Preaching shoes". 

I'm sad to say that I will be wearing my "See you later shoes" on Thursday and Friday. You are already missed Jason. I wish I could tell you how much of a difference that you made in my life. Much love brother, I'll see you on the other side. 


Wednesday, October 16, 2013


in·hu·mane  ˈinhyo͞oˈmān
without compassion for misery or suffering; cruel.
That word describes me. It must. I do things that are completely uncalled for. I hold expectations for myself and then fail. Not only do I fail, but I fail in such a way that people run away from me. 
My whole life has been about being dependent.
Baby... Parents
School-age... Teachers
Teenage... Community
Confirmation... God
College.... Me?

There's no way I could be dependent on my own decisions. I don't think that anyone could. So, we have friends, mentors, teachers, preachers, presidents, parents. Do we really listen to them though? We would rather listen to things that aren't there to help us. Why? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

I've tried in my short lifetime to make solid decisions, they don't always happen, but I try. Most of the time it doesn't look like I try, in fact it looks like I could care less. Do I actually care about my life? Do I actually try to be a Christian? Am I living in the way that GOD wants me to live? I would like to put forth that face, but I don't. Do I read my Bible? Sometimes. Do I go to church? Occasionally. 

I feel as if I'm beating myself up day after day by living this Christian life. I hold such high expectations for myself and I can't even follow them. I can't even follow my own advice. I don't want to follow my own advice. I don't care. 

When people give me advice, I freak out. I must follow it. If I don't, I will not be approved. Friends become just common people. People are disappointed in me. People don't care about me. People that I used to be able to share everything with don't want to be in contact with me. 

So there you have it. I make mistakes. I do stupid things. I have problems. You probably have the same problems, but it's easier to make me feel like shit instead of looking in the mirror. No, your problems are not the same as mine, but it doesn't mean that mine are worse than yours. 
In fact, it means that we're BOTH human.


Monday, October 7, 2013

Magic Pill

You know those issues in your life that just don't go away? You try everything, and you might even be happy for a day or even a week, but eventually it comes right back and all the sudden your life becomes uncontrollable. At this point you have a few choices, you either ignore the situation and make yourself extremely busy, or allow yourself to face the issue. 

Let's say that you choose to face the issue. What exactly are you facing? Now I'm not talking about the exact problem, I'm talking about the severity. Are you completely prepared for battle? 

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is David and Goliath. Goliath was so big, and all David had was a pebble and a sling. It makes me think of the issues that I face with on a daily basis and how I deal with them. Most of the time I waste all my energy preparing to battle small problems with all my energy. It makes me weak and tired so when something life-changing is put in front of me, I don't know how to handle it. I start to blame God looking at the resources that I have left. I see my small pebbles and sling and forget the power that it holds. The power of faith. There is power in all of the things that we use to defeat our issues. Some of those things can be destructive. Our words, actions, and way of life, can smite our issues or mask them, But our faith is the one weapon that can heal us and our problems. 

Use your pebble to defeat your issues while working on your relationship with God. Allow your faith to grow while you face your problems each and everyday. 

... to be continued....