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Monday, February 24, 2014

What Am I Supposed To Do???

I've been thinking a lot. I know how dangerous that can be, but hear me out. Don't you always anyways?

Today has been full of anger and frustration. I've been really stressed out lately and some things just aren't going away. Of course, the only way I solve problems in life is through multiple metaphors and relating it to scripture.

My sister is an incredible person, in case you didn't know that. She has this amazing thing about her that just radiates as soon as she walks into a room. I must say that it's strength. For a long time I really didn't like my sister, probably because I was a stupid, jealous teenager. Abby isn't afraid to say what is on her mind. She'll tell you straight up if you cross her at the wrong time. Granted, it can be pretty annoying, but she's usually right and that's why she gladly pisses me off 99.9% of the time. When she was in college, she went through a lot of stuff, but she had a friend that I saw change her from the inside out. I never really saw Abby open up, but when she was with Leesha, she did. It made me so happy to see her happy, plus it got her out of my hair for once! :) I don't remember what year it was, but Leesha and my sister kinda separated for awhile and didn't really talk. I'm not going to lie, there was a huge difference. It was almost like my sister lost a big chunk of her. Of course I did the little sister duty of agreeing with everything that she said just to help get her through it, but I can't tell you how happy I was when Abby and Leesha started talking again! 

Why am I telling you about my sister's life story? Probably because it's part of my story. I called Leesha tonight to ask her a few questions about how she instills values into her kids. She's a first grade teacher by the way... not a mother! Ha! I've been dealing with a lot of things personally. People have been treating me like I'm the scum of the Earth lately. I want to say something back, but I can't. 

Leesha told me that yes, we can still have faith in humanity. Children are taught how to act properly! Thank God! But why is it that after awhile things start to fade away and not matter as much? It's almost like we abide by these values until we become a "grown up" and then and only then.. the values don't apply anymore. Why is that? And don't say it isn't true, because it is. My teacher told me to not judge a book by its cover. So why did my boss tell me the other day that it's going to be hard to get people to understand my book because they won't read past the title??  Why did he tell me that this world is full of judgement and I just have to learn how to live with it? Why did we stop teaching these values to ourselves?! 


Let's face it. We are, aren't we? My boss probably got burned from an adult when he was younger and was told that the world was full of judgement. How could he survive without learning how to fight back and erase those lessons that might as well only survive in the world full of ponies and rainbows? Since he got burned and learned the hard way, he might as well burn someone else in the process. "Teach them a lesson." as the world would put it. 

Well, I have news for you. It stops with me. I refuse to follow the world's "life lessons" and burn generation after generation. It's not right people! Can we not be a generation that actually wants to do God's will and bring Heaven down?! It is possible! I promise! All we have to do is follow those simple values they taught us in first grade. 

The Golden Rule doesn't say to "Treat others the way that you WERE treated", but it says to "Treat other the way you WANT to be treated." Don't you think that dreams could become reality if we just started with respecting each other? I don't know.. I've never seen it happen... but the least we can do it give it a shot. 

Maybe we could be a little bit like my sister. Standing up for ourselves and our beliefs, knowing what is wrong and what is right and showing others without burning bridges along the way. I love you Sisser!

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
(Isaiah 26:3)


Tuesday, February 18, 2014


Can I tell you how annoying it is to shave? I swear.. I hate it! I'm pretty dang sure that winter is now over so I can't hide my obnoxiously hairy legs under my blue jeans!  Guys will never understand this, but there is a huge process to shaving your legs. You have to keep your balance while you prop your leg up on some sort of wall, get the shaving cream on, get the razor, and then you have a good 10 minutes to make sure you don't miss a spot. Usually, you miss a spot and I don't think I'll ever be able to explain how annoying that is. Now, you say that since I've taken the 10 minutes to shave I should be good for the next few days? WRONG! You have to do it alllllll over again the next day! 

I bet you didn't see this coming, but I'm about to tie this into scripture. Yup... It's happening. 

I want you to think about your faith for a second. How many times do you take the time to get to know God? In another words... Do you read scripture often? Be in prayer? Go to church? Guess what... Your relationship with God is just like shaving. Say whaaat? Yeah, you heard me. 

I bet you get frustrated with God. I'm not going to say that every time that you read scripture that you're going to be the happiest person in the world because sometimes you are going to get a little mad at what's in the Word. You usually aren't going to get your way and plans may not happen the way you want them to. So what are you going to do about it? Let your problem get.... Hairier? I'm pretty sure that would be a travesty when you break out your summer shorts. You've got to get back at it! Every night. Step by step. Don't miss any part of it because it's not worth it! God has so much to tell you!

"For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly out weighs them and will last forever!" (2 Corinthians 4:17)


Sunday, February 9, 2014

I'll Go to Church If You.....

Don't deny it. We've all said a prayer that sounded similar to that! When I was in 6th grade, my science teacher told us how tornadoes were formed and it scared me to death! I remember that I would watch the weather religiously to see if there were any signs of a tornado approaching. When it would get hot one day and super cold the next day, I knew there was a possibility of those terrifying funnel clouds approaching my home. There were a couple times that tornadoes touched down in Arkadelphia. In 1997, the entire downtown was flattened completely. I was so little, but I remember driving by and seeing the clock tower blown out. From that point on whenever there was a tornado watch I would grab all of my important memories, put them in a box and go down to the storage room in the basement. 

There was one time that I remember praying during a tornado warning. I said, "God, if you make this tornado go away, I promise I'll be a better person! I won't complain about going to church anymore!" At about the same time, God sent a wonderful person into my life, Mike Meeks. Before I knew it, going to church was actually fun and I was learning scripture in a whole new way! Of course, I screwed up about 99.9% of the time by attempting and failing to re-preach Mike's sermons, but if I would have stopped completely... I wouldn't be here today. 

The past three months of my life have been surrounded by editing, writing, publishing, website building and so much more. I have put so much into my book and I feel like I'm failing. I want this to be my life and my career and I don't know what it is, but its just not working. 

I couple months ago, I was a mess. Instead of doing something that I probably would have not been able to bounce back from so easily, I decided to write about it. I decided to read the scripture and figure out what God wanted me to do. God showed me something. He showed me that no matter what I did, He loved me just the same and I could come back to him because of this wonderful gift called, "Grace." Not only did I write a book, but I published it. People were supporting me left and right telling me to do it and so I did! I got so hyped up on the energy that I went at this project full throttle and right now... I'm at a stand still. I'm not getting support anymore because people don't want to associate with the title. 

I barely ever stand up for myself and tell people how it is, but that's going to change tonight. Here's the deal. My book, "God Knows What Sex Feels Like" follows eight goals that I came up with to live a more Christian lifestyle. Each chapter is one of those goals and within those goals I used scripture that I didn't even know existed to relate back to my life experiences! I learned so much about God and what He wants me to do with my life! Isn't that a good thing? Isn't that something worth celebrating?! A few months ago I was fully prepared to give up on myself and instead I turned to God! Hello world! I'm back in the game! 

This is something that I have heard a lot in the past couple of months, "I would give you the interview if you change the title...", "I would help you out if the title didn't have the word, 'sex' in it."... you can imagine up a million and one circumstances and I've probably been through it in about a three month period. Here's the thing. I could very well decide to change the title and pick something more appropriate, but even if I did do that... something wouldn't change. The content.

I keep going back to the feelings that I had when those tornadoes would come. Some days are warm and give me promise to keep going, but other days are so cold and just make me want to give up and throw this whole project in the trash. When you put the hot and cold together it will make a disaster 9 out of 10 times, but without disaster there would be no community. What are we doing with our lives? 

When did something that God created become too inappropriate for the church?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5

Friday, February 7, 2014

Getting Started...

It's been a journey trying to get my book published and learning the process along the way! I never knew how expensive it could be trying to promote and raise money for my book! I know I have never used this blog to ask favors, but I have a big one to ask! I've started a campaign to raise money for my book, it would be incredible if you could help me. I won't be making a lot of money with my book, but the money that I do make will help me find a publisher, since I'm self-published right now, and start my next book! All you have to do is click on the link below to donate! It would be very much appreciated! Thanks for all your support! God Bless!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Breaking Through...

Today I just wanted to share with you a short prayer that I've found to help me so much the past two weeks! I hope God blesses you through the next couple of weeks! 

The Prayer: 

Jesus, I need you! You are my Lord, my God, my King. You are worthy of all of my worship. Help me, by your grace, to know you and love you so deeply and dearly that the things of this world fade away and grow strangely dim. 

I want to worship you and you alone. I don’t want to be forged by the culture. I am in you; I want to be one with you. Bind my heart to yours, and place your truth deep within me. I not only want to know you and your Word, I want to have the desire to forsake sin and follow you and your Word. Enable me to worship you in spirit and in truth. 

I need your power, your grace, and your love so that no matter what life brings my way, I can respond to each situation, each person, and each trial the way you would respond—all for your glory. I don’t want to respond merely outwardly, but rather from within, from the river of living water. I want to be so close to you, Jesus, that your Spirit flows forth from me in all I do and say. May I find all of my joy in you. 

May I glorify you in all I say and do. (Psalm 42:1-2a; Galatians 2:20) 

No matter where I am, what I am doing, what Scripture I am reading, or what song I am singing, I want my mind, my energies, and my heart focused on you and not on me and my circumstances. I want you and you alone. 

No matter if I 

succeed or fail, 

win or lose, 

am rich or poor, 

am included or excluded, 

am known or forgotten, 

may I be content knowing that you are mine and I am yours. 

May my chief aim be to love you and be loved by you, to please you and serve you. Help me to see my sin, mourn it, and forsake it, by your grace. Help me hunger and thirst after righteousness. 

Lord Jesus, grant me your grace, your mercy, and your lovingkindness to enable me to see you, know you, love you, and be one with you. Thank you that your Word tells me if we ask anything in your name and according to your will that you will do it. Amen. (John 14:13-14)