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Friday, November 30, 2012

Enthusiasm...

You ever get those days where you wake up and just know that it's going to be amazing? Today was that kind of day! I woke up in an incredible mood and was ready to take on the day!

Yesterday I was pretty dizzy, and today the rest kicked int! I was so happy to finally be feeling better! 

Tomorrow is the big Winter Formal for school! I was really hesitant about going because I don't have a date to go with, but I think my roommate and I might go together! I don't want to put my little black dress to waste! ;)

Last night when I was hanging out with one of my friends I had a big realization. We were talking about opening our Bibles more and having quiet time with God. 

This is probably where I have one of my biggest downfalls. I don't open my Bible near as much as I should and just yesterday when I started to do it again I felt such a relief. 

I know I shouldn't be in worship to feel something for myself, but instead to give something to God... It's just sometimes it makes more sense. We have things that happen in our life and when it gets tough it makes sense to turn back to God. 

What happens when good things happen in our life? Because to be honest right now, it's really hard to open my Bible tonight since I've had such a good day. 

So here we are! Shall we open our Bibles, read into God's word, and remember the meaning of this season? 

Here's something to get you started! 
50 Bible Verses to Hold Close

UOI,
Becca

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Turning Around....

I just noticed that the last few titles of my blog posts almost sound like the Hokey Pokey... Yeah, welcome to my life!

Today has been hard.. Last night my dizziness got really bad while I was at church. I ended up pouring my heart out to the band members at church and they were so welcoming, I can't tell them enough how much that meant to me. Since I wasn't really up to driving one of the guys gave me a ride back to the dorm. I'm so thankful for the family that I have here in Clarksville!

I was laying in bed trying to figure out something that I could do when I looked over and saw my Bible. To be honest, it has been sitting there for awhile. I haven't opened it except for church on Sunday morning. The bookmarks that I have in it are from lessons that I have taught over the years, but not from studying. I always told myself that it was one of my big goals to study the Bible and really get into scripture, but I never really had the desire. 

I remember when I first started out in youth and Mike was getting us ready for worship. He told me to look up a Bible verse for him in the book of psalms and when I found it I just kept reading. When I finally looked up from reading, I was sitting on the stage, 10 minutes of worship had gone by, and the worship leader was wrapping up the first set. I don't know where that passion went, but I want it back. 

Today I started formatting a new worship service that the school is going to offer and in doing so I ran across a lot of great scripture. I'm so thrilled to get the opportunity to preach in front of the Ozarks student body next semester. I was really praying about what God wants to see in this service and I have a feeling that it's going to be one like no other! 

So here's to new beginnings... Continue praying for me and the people around you. 

UOI,
Becca

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Advice...

I'm a giver. 

With everything that I do and in every situation, I give until I have nothing left.

Ministry attracted me because it was a job where I could help people and be for them no matter what. 

When I was little I used to buy gifts for everyone for every occasion. The first thing that went through my brain was that if I bought these gifts that maybe they would like me just a little bit more. When I ran out of material things to buy I would start doing favors. Even if I was dirt broke I would take my last 20 dollars to fill up my friends gas tank. 

My parents? Oh, they knew what was up all along. They were never happy with my decisions of how I spent my money or time. They were constantly telling me that I was being used and abused. I didn't want to believe it because the friends that I did have were there for me.. at least that's what I thought. 

I was kinda acting like the play slime that I used to have when I was a kid. You can stretch it out so thin, but as soon as you let go, it goes back to it's normal shape. I'm still like that to this day. I'll get so busy with everything that goes on in life and I'll get stretched so thin, but then I'll come back to my senses and turn to God to put me back into shape. 

I have so many things that are rolling through my brain constantly.. and I worry.. a lot. Tonight when I was at church band practice I was talking to some of the members afterward about the things that were going on in my life. I was about to break down and start crying when one of the guys told me that I shouldn't worry. 

The first thing that popped in my head? "Easy for you to say..."

But then he said something else.

"If you worry, do you truly have faith?"

Really throws me back to my senses. I want to be a person that turns back to God all the time, but I can't do that it seems. There is something in the back of my head that is telling me, "everything you are feeling in perfectly normal.. Keep worrying..."

I'm just throwing this out there, but I need some prayer. If you're into that kinda thing... I would appreciate it... a lot. 

UOI,
Becca

Monday, November 26, 2012

Spinning....

When I was little the school that I went to had a Merry-Go-Round. Of course no schools to this day have one, but at recess that was the thing to play on! The bigger kids would be the ones that would spin us round and round and you always screamed, no matter how fast you were going!

I remember one day when I went out to recess one of the older kids told me that his friend was thrown off the Merry-Go-Round last week because he made it go fast! So guess Becca did? Never rode that ride ever again!

I'll go back to the playground every once and while and see the stump where it used to be and remember about how I never took the chance to see what it would have been like to ride it a little bit faster. 

Life gets like that for me. I get so worried about what people tell me or how they respond to situations, maybe I'll end up just like them so I don't move forward. 

I like the rush that I used to get on those rides. The only thing you had to worry about is hanging on. Being a Christian I see that I with every step, chance, move forward that I take I have one amazing God holding onto me. 

I'm so amazed at the life that I had, and I couldn't be more thankful.

*Raises Glass*

Here's to getting back on the Merry-Go-Round!

UOI,
Becca

Sunday, November 25, 2012

I Should've Done That....

You know what I've come to notice over the past few days?

Everyone's a coach during a bad football game.
....and....
Everyone's a weather man during a tornado.

I went to the Henderson State University Play-off game and when the score started getting bad... the crowd starting coaching.

"You should have caught that!"
"Why didn't you throw it to the other player?!"
"Are you stupid or something?! Play!"

And when 4th quarter came and it looked to be no more hope... everyone left. Heck.. I left too!

I really started to think about my life and how I could apply this, and I came up with a pretty amazing explanation! This is good too! 

When we read the Bible, do we think in terms of, "I'm going to apply this to my life!" or "Oh shit! I screwed it up all along!"


Honestly... I'm the second one. Let's stop worrying about the past and start focusing on the future! The woulda shoulda stuff doesn't matter anymore! We are hear to proclaim God's news TODAY.. Not yesterday! So put down your scale and start moving forward.. you'll work yourself out of the rut one day, but let's just focus on being new people! 

Pray about it!
UOI,
Becca

Friday, November 23, 2012

Relaxing....

After two visits to the hospital, one visit to the doctor, and a week of not being able to eat much... I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.

It's been crazy lately and I don't really know how to thank everyone that's been there for me! I usually will be able to get over the symptoms, but it wasn't like that the past two times. The voice in the back of my head said it was a little more serious then normal. 

The good news is that I'll be getting help to fix the problem. Just a few more visits to different doctors so we can figure out what's really going on. It's hard to believe that I might not have to deal with it after 6 years of it being constantly something in the back of my mind. 

I decided I was going to start something new this year and it's been something that I've been thinking about for awhile now. I'm going to start a good news jar. Whenever something good happens in my life I'm going to put it in the jar and next year, I'll empty the jar and read what I wrote. It'll be something that I can go back and smile at! It'll be something that I'll also be able to look at and constantly see that there is good in my life so matter what happens! Things have been so crazy lately, that I really need to start this!

I was talking to someone the other night about some of the unfortunate things that were happening in my life and their response was, "This is all in God's Plan..." A really comforting thing to hear really, it made me think that, "If God put me to it, He can put me through it." 
We continued talking and I was telling her about college life and some things that my friends and I get ourselves into. (PG-13 Material) Her response? "That's just part of life.. You gotta push through..."

Light bulb!

At what point does bad decisions and bad circumstances separate you from God? 

You think it would be the exact opposite to be honest.

If a person wasn't making the best choices in life wouldn't you want them to know that God's unconditional love was open to them just as much as the holy and righteous preacher? Of course. Makes plenty of sense! I think the worldly side of think that we shouldn't accept those who "mess up" or "take a different path" because they need to be kept accountable for what they do or did. 

Another one of my good friends at school reminded me that all sin is equal and Jesus' sacrifice would be completely meaningless unless continued to ask for HIS acceptance, love, and forgiveness. Probably one of the most amazing and unexpected things I've heard in a long time. 

I'm gonna let this 1st grade lesson sit on your brain for awhile...

UOI,
Becca

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Being Thankful...

What's the cheesiest quote that I've ever heard? Glad you asked!

"If you aren't in pain, you're dead."

That quote means a lot to me this week. I'm not the happiest person in the world, wishing that I was at the table with my family eating until I couldn't eat anymore.

But instead, I'm laying in bed.... Beautiful.

This post was actually inspired by Facebook. Seriously?! Yeah... I have no life.

I was thinking about writing a status that talks about all the things I'm thankful for. Like I said, It's kinda hard to come up with something this week, but I'm managing to have a little bit of thought.

Let's just start listing.. Shall We?

My Family. That's a broad term actually because I have so many people I consider to be in family. So let me downsize this statement to my Biological Family. Rose, my Mom.. Fred, my Dad... and Abby, my sister. As much as we've gone through together... They've always taken me back...

My Friends. It used to not be many, but now I have quite a few. All the way from my very first friend, Anna Bell... to my Ozarks RTV friends. They all have a special place in my heart and I consider them all to be brothers and sisters to me. I will never abandon them, for God gave me the gift of unconditional love so I will return it towards the people that come into my life.

Cameras. Yeah, I said it. I LOVE to take pictures and most importantly people take pictures of me. I just love the feeling of complete rush. You're in charge of what you capture and what you don't.

Worship Design. This is pretty high on the list. I love being able to walk into a church, sit down behind the computer, and make the service happen. It's my act of worship. God works through me in every way possible... even when I mess everything up.

Relationships. God has put some wonderful men in my life so far. Every relationship is a lesson and it has helped me to grow more as a person. I'm even more thankful for the relationship that I'm in now. To have someone that I can share the same faith with makes me the happiest girl in the world. 

Ozarks. I might not be the smartest person when it comes to worrying about money or how I'm going to live after college, but I have come to understand that my life right now at Ozarks is the best possible thing. I knew from the moment that I stepped on campus that I was in the right place and God was going to be able to work through me no matter what. 

Social Media. I am a big Facebook, Instagram, Twitter Fan. They help me to connect with people that I wouldn't see on a daily basis. I'm so happy that my family back in New York can check up on me and I can do the same. 

Talking. That's a simple thing to be thankful for, but I'm serious. My mouth does a lot of things... it relays messages, prays, cusses, praises, laughs, smiles, frowns, but most importantly speaks. I'm able to be me and the only way that I can do that is through talking. I'm a talker! Can you believe that?!

My Bed. Yeah, it's pretty comfortable. Actually.. I'm laying in it right now! Wanna know why? It's bedtime! Goodnight everyone... stay strong and be thankful.... Everyday... Not just today...

UOI,
Becca

Monday, November 19, 2012

Life....

Do you ever have one of those days--weeks when nothing makes sense? It's not like it's a long week that takes forever to end, but it's a time where you're really trying to figure things out.

I've been sick this whole past week and it hasn't been fun. At. All. 

I really don't want attention. Seriously. 

That's what a lot of people thought when I was back home.

"Something always has to be wrong with her."
"She's always making up some sickness so people will pay attention to her."
"This girl is so dumb thinking she is going to die or something."

Do you really think it ever crossed my mind that I wanted to get sick?! Yeah. NO. It's not exactly fun.

When I lost all my weight this past year things got a little bit worse, when I went to the doctor he told me that it was just all in my head and part of anxiety. I understand that can be a part of it, but I was positive that wasn't the whole story. 

This morning I almost passed out again and went to the hospital at 4:30. I laid in bed for 30 minutes trying to convince myself to get help. I hate getting help. I don't want to bother anyone. EVER. 

When I finally convinced myself that I needed to go to the hospital I felt like crap. I hated the fact that I had to wake up Megan so early to drive me there. It seriously killed me.

The doctor was really nice though. He actually gave me a name for what I have and that was a huge relief. Apparently I have horrid vertigo and that's the reason why I get dizzy all the time. 

I really can't thank the people that listened to me blab on for hours. I was so out of it and they were so patient with me. Thank you! 

Until the next blog post...

UOI,
Becca 

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Speaking right through me....

God keeps calling me to speak... 

I don't know why..

I don't know if He means RIGHT NOW...

But I'm afraid I'm playing the Jonah card back on Him...

I keep telling myself that I'm not ready because I haven't gone through enough school or I don't have a "good enough" life yet... Heck! That's what the world tells me everyday. Go to school. Get Smart. Get a Job. Work your way up in the world.

I presented my Rob Bell project today in Critical Inquiry... I was really pleased with how it went, but I really surprised myself with how I answered a question from one of the students.

They asked how Rob's story relates to my life.

My answer?
 

"I really like how Rob Bell speaks. I remember watching him when I was in 7th grade and I was just memorized by the big words and illustrations that he used. He really knows what he's talking about and it's not that I look at him as God, but it's really easy to hear God speak through him. I got my call into the ministry when I was going into 7th grade and I hope to be a pastor that possess that gift. I don't want to speak, I want God to speak through me."

Yeah.. That's all God right there. I wasn't prepared to tell people about my calling because I honestly don't know if I've really been hearing God right, but I guess I have been. He always knows when to butt into my life and make a point. 

I don't want to think that I'm running away wither because God is really working on me lately, I just haven't been doing any work back. 

So that's it for tonight. God has really been tugging on me lately... Back to the start line...

UOI,
Becca

Monday, November 5, 2012

Attachment.....

Do you ever think to yourself what life would be like if didn't feel as if we had to be in constant attachment to things and people? 

When I was back home I attached my identity to the church and my youth group. I love them both to death and think the world of my kids! They are probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, but it emotionally tore me up the first few weeks of school.

People kept telling me that it was okay to go out and do dumb things, but I never wanted to because I wanted to be an example for the kids. I wanted them to go off to college saying they could be a good Christian because I could. 

It's harder then it looks. 

I love my family and home church to death, but I'm going to have to detach somethings and start making decisions for me and God. 

I have people and things here that make me happy and I don't deserve to be down about life anymore! The best thing... is that I could still be happy if these things weren't in my life. I'm making a dramatic change and depending on myself and God. Probably the best thing for me right now!

What are you attached too?

UOI,
Becca


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Prodigal....

You know the story about the Prodigal Son... 

Son wants his Inheritance.
Father gives it to him.
Son goes butt wild and crazy.
Son runs out of money.
Son goes home.
Father has open arms.
Father throws party.
Other son gets jealous.
Father reminds other son that he already had everything.

Sounds about right? 

My story for the most part is the one of the good one. The one that you don't hear much about? Yeah, that was me. I convinced myself that I was bad just so I could have a good story, but it never really worked out for me. 

Don't get me wrong... I mess up and make stupid decisions, but I don't regret them for anything. I think that things happen in your life for a reason... To learn and grow. That's so cliche I know I know, but seriously think about it....

I love this story because of the open arms that the father has to the son. He messed up and comes back to a completely unconditional father. That's my goal in life... to be as unconditional as possible. I'm screwing that up right now, but besides that... I don't know how to react most of the time... I guess my anger gets the best of me. I toggle between the father and the other son.. I'll be unconditional unless there is nothing in for me. That sounds sooo selfish, and it is! I'm trying to fix it.. so far so good. 

I'm really getting back to a solid prayer life again... asking God to come in and renovate me again. I've been through the recreation process so many times... It's ridiculous. I'm glad He has open arms... Even for the ones who stay.

UOI,
Becca

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Seeing God...

The past few days have been crazy stressful! I had my eyes opened to a new scripture and I want to share it with you...

Luke 10:38-42

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I've been worried about the preparations for awhile now. Ever since I started college I started neglecting my faith, and it's not that I was trying to... it just happened. It was so easy to see God when I was back home in Arkadelphia. I went to school and everyone knew me as the "good Christian girl" so people were continuing to keep me accountable, I had an amazing job at my church working for my youth minister, and I was really involved in the youth group! There wasn't really a chance for me to not see God. Things haven't changed in the seeing God department... I see Him everyday... when I decide to look. 

So many things have happened lately and it's easy to blame God, but I don't want that to overcome me. I want to be able to have a relationship with God where I feel like I can tell Him everything and anything. Isn't that how it should be in the first place? Of course! Why is it so difficult to accept that? I remember people telling me that they have felt so low before that they couldn't pick themselves up to even talk to God. I can finally understand where they are coming from. I could be stupid and blame it on the things that surround me, but that's not the case at all. It's all me. I choose not to look. I choose to live my life this way.

The amazing thing about Mary is that she knew that God was right there and she did what we should all do. Stop and worship. When I read this the other day I felt as if God was speaking right to me. Only few things are needed in life.... indeed only one true thing is needed in life.

Sooo... In saying all that... Where did you see God today?

UOI,
Becca

This is my spot back home. Where I feel the closest to God. I used to come in at midnight after the worst day ever and scream at the top of my lungs and feel God just having an absolute grasp on me. He still holds on to me, even when I'm not in this spot. Our church will soon be going through a building project and this is going to be so much more different, but it will always be where I came to my senses.