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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Big FAT "F"....

By now you all know how dangerous it is when I start to think. 

Well, guess what? I've been thinking. 

I really enjoy writing because it allows me to show my full personality without the feeling of having to hold back. Honestly, I'm too lazy to proof-read. Do you ever have those moments when you write a paper for a class, know it's a masterpiece and turn it in without looking over it? Makes perfect sense if you really think about it? Why read something again if it's a true masterpiece. It came from your brain and made perfect sense, so it should do the same for the whole entire world. 

Too bad you got an "F". 

That's right. Not only if your grade ruined, but so is your whole entire day. The one thing that you had so much confidence in lied to you. The thing that sucks the most is that it was yourself. 

I lied to myself about a lot of things this past year. The biggest lie? "I am okay." That's the thing though, I wasn't okay. I was in a horrible place and couldn't realize it because my brain was convinced it was a masterpiece. I never took the chance to proof-read what was going on. I was living in the future with full confidence in my ability to see when disaster was going to strike. 

Disaster struck. I didn't see it coming. I broke into a million pieces. The thing that stinks the worse, I was the one that broke myself. I could have seen it coming! If only I would have listened to that little voice in the back of my head. My relationship with God went on hold for a while this past month. Just when I was diving deep into God's will, shit hit the fan. What do I do? Blame God. I didn't even want to tell God that I was angry at Him. How does that happen? A girl that goes to church her whole entire life and now can't even talk to God?! Impossible.

I actually started going through all the Bible Verses and sermons from youth group. The one that came into my head a lot was "The Vending Machine." It was a sermon that Mike preached a million times and it stuck in my head. He always said to never treat God like a vending machine. You can't just expect to get something whenever you ask or whenever you're ready. God's answer might be "No" or "Not now." So, with all of that said, I didn't feel like I had the right to ask any favors. First of all, I was pissed. Second, I didn't think it was right to ask God to heal my broken heart when I didn't even proof-read my situation.

Ouch. That hits home. You get that "masterpiece" of a paper back with a shiny red "F" only to ask the teacher why SHE (or he) GAVE you that grade. Was it really the teacher's fault that you didn't proof-read? Is it their fault if you fail at life? 

If we look at Luke Chapter 2, we see Jesus as a child soaking up anything that the "teachers" can tell him. Aren't we supposed to be doing that? Learning and applying? 

After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers.
~ Luke 2:46-47

Are you proof-reading? 


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